...but it makes a sad noise so you know to go rescue it.

Rage! Rage against the dying of the light!

I understand that he’s just trying to put his best foot forward with his new organization, but he certainly put his foot in his mouth by implying he had one foot out the door with the NY Jets.

Totally. For a second, I thought I was listening to Jim Ross on Smackdown.

Wow, he broke that club like it was a JANSJÖ reading lamp.

Dingers! Dingers!

Bill Simmons:

Don't have a cow, man.

When asked how close Lynch's 2015 salary will be to Peterson's, Schefter added:

I love stout! I was drinking River Horse Oatmeal Milk Stout last night. Like coffee, it's easy to rationalize this as a morning "eye-opener" when OATMEAL is in the name! Breakfast in a bottle:

In case you needed another very obscure reference, what about 1996's Project Overkill? ....Anyone? I loved this PS1 co-op game!

In A-Rod's defense, Iron Mike has reportedly tested positive for penetrating oils and water-displacing sprays, known on the streets as "WD-40" or "dub-dee fo-dee."

I'm talking old-timey button and buttonhole onesies. Not the snaps - snaps are doable. But someone gave us this "nice" wool onesie with tiny buttons and tiny buttonholes. Putting the thing on her when she's flailing is like trying build a model airplane during a cab ride.

Red: [narrating] Sword & Sworcery - who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side.

I feel the exact same way. I never changed a diaper before my daughter arrived two weeks ago today, and my only expectations were from new dad comedy tropes (e.g., Mr. Mom, Three Men and a Baby, etc). Today's newborn diapers could not be easier to change, and even the most explosive messes clean up quickly.... for…

Video circulating of Josh Hamilton's off-season:

I love how it took him 13 minutes to decline her request, but 4 seconds to decide to screen cap and share the exchange.