Would you shorten your life to be really good at something? As in the best in the world? What if you couldn't negotiate and the deal meant you died in 200 days? Would you take it?

Well in my day we simply hopped on the stick, where I preceded to "own" my little brother:

What!? Is cell phone use the classroom really that big of a problem nowadays?

Gators, dogs and weed? Are we sure he wasn't just trying to recreate the "World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" in his backyard?

My pitch for a black & white buddy comedy movie, "Sapp & Stapp":

I'm not saying that all of them are staged, but who goes to a Super Bowl party to videotape their friends? A few too many of these seem like they rewound the DVR and then filmed it, just so these kids can make it into a highlight reel of "EPIC SUPERBOWL REAX VIDEO!!!"

Aaaaand, you all now have chlamydia.

HUGE oversight, "You're worst nightmare, butt horn!"

Personally, I'd much rather read a discussion on the Talking Heads... or at least that green-hued screening of (presumably) Stop Making Sense. Best concert movie ever!

"Body blow! Body blow! Body blow! Body blow! Body blow..."

Great, another windbag piping in more hot air on this already over-blown and highly-pressurized debate.

Josh McDaniels [out of frame] silencing Person of Interest:

$6 mil for 6 HRs? That's nothing. The Yankees have paid double that for two HRs:

Speaking of penguins....

The shirtless guy was named Pan, and he is not jerking off.

You all realize this entire debacle is nothing more than a viral marketing campaign for Gillette's tacky new razor gimmick. #Flexball

I think we can all agree that the thing was blown way out of proportion.

"But how many times in the real world has a single small object controlled the fates of millions?"

I hate how software developers vilify the US patenting process for discouraging innovation. Namco came up with a great idea and, like any invention, deserves protection for it. In fact, this patent should have encouraged further innovation by thinking of ways around the patented subject matter.

Can we please shut down the bridges when this buffoon tries to ride his bandwagon back into New Jersey?