THIS.

Ooka-shaka, ooka, ooka, ooka-shaka...

Slugfest had some of the best sports video game commentary. At one point the color guy goes on about facing an intimidating Abe Lincoln on the mound, starting in with his beady eyes and that drifter beard.

If you want to complain about anything, let’s start with the get up.

Our buns have no seeds.

“Unless something literally illegal was done, it seems like an overreach to punish someone in this way.”

Sadly, there is no Konami Code for the disbelieving, anti-science Boomers. Dinosaurs will die.

You mean it’s not pronounced “yee-if”?

So, what you are saying is:

Seems very Pet Cemetery-ish.

What is this? One hundred units!? The number has to be at least... 3 times bigger!

It is sad, the late 90s had some really educational shows, like Dora and Umizoomi, and they sometimes rerun them. But it’s painfully clear that all the new shows focus on toy characters and changing the vehicles to restock Walmarts shelves. And you're absolutely right, it sneaky!

If you don’t think that Paw Patrol is one giant commercial for preschoolers, then you don’t have toddlers. Nick Jr has virtually abandoned any semblance of educational programming to sell toys.

At first, I was like, C’mon, it can’t be THAT bad. But it managed to be worse than I could have imagined.

“...but your pant legs!"

...as the heartless, bloodthirsty crowd cheers for his demise.

He’s got his cowl toss, check his nails. Batman, how you feeling? He's feeling good as hell.

No diggity, he's gotta back it up.

Is that Paul Rudd... with a fuzzy red fez?

I felt like I wanted to kill the Prime Minister of Micronesia. That, or like I was transported back to 2001.