All this did was make me wish I had money, glamour and a career rivaling Ms. Paltrow's. Alas, I am full of envy as I sit at my filthy cubicle munching on mass-produced chocolate snowmen, bought at the nearest drugstore. (Also, I kinda love those golden shoes...)

That, too was my sarcasm-smeared reaction. Judge Judy would not be pleased.

Jesus, this woman sounds like the worst. Can you imagine going to someone for help and the first thing they do is express horrified disgust at the exact areas you are trying to fix? She sounds incredibly rude.

Oh yes, I've heard that some people are into that shit. Does sound kinda nasty to me.

I thought "finger food" meant food you can eat with your fingers. Since when does mac and cheese qualify?

True - he was in the best cast. I actually heard last year that he was signing bottles of his crystal skull vodka in Philadelphia (my hometown), and would have driven down just to meet him, except I realized I already had plans that day. :(

Oh god I was OBSESSED with Mike Seaver. I had my wall plastered with pictures. I seriously thought I was going to marry him, and when he got married in real life I was actually mostly over him but it still hurt a little. Seeing him nowadays though I realize it would never have worked, because he would have annoyed…

Me too; Mike is more conventionally attractive, I think, but I had the serious hots for stoner Joel.

I cannot forgive Mike Nelson for ruining MST3K for me, but I see what you mean about his hotness. And I've crushed on Jonathan Price since Brazil. It appears you and I have similar tastes, though mine gets a lot weirder. I actually can admit that I had a crush on late-70s/early-80s Dan Aykroyd for awhile, which led…

The life span of a hamster is like 2 years, so aren't they all kind of on a short path to doom from the day they are born? (See also: fruit flies.) Also, "Johnson the snake", har.

Really? This is a story? My mom has been doing the home repairs ever since I can remember - my dad hated the whole DIY game. I have several friends whose mothers were 'Ms. Fix-It' in their homes, and it was never a question of why their fathers didn't push them out of the way to get to the tools. In fact, it was…

That's not completely true. They also care about making sure women know their submissive place in the church...

Yeah, I don't get how allowing abortions to save a woman's life leads to a "culture of death", particularly when you consider that someone will be dying in this circumstance anyway, no matter what. Dear Catholic hierarchy: your logic is not logical.

I personally want nothing to do with a God who gets so pissed off that the humans he gave free will to are actually using said free will that he uses it as an excuse to "allow" some wingnut to murder dozens of innocents, just to remind us that this is what we get for ignoring him, nyah nyah. What kind of horrible…

I don't know who most of these 'divas' are. Are you telling me Vh1 held a "Divas" concert with no Mariah, no Aretha, not even a burnt out Diana Ross?

Lol, if only they would heed our suggestions...

Aw, he's just got a voracious appetite. ;D

Ah, the bird in the shoe. I remember that trick well. Also had a lot of the "Dead Bird Parts Left Strategically Where You Are Sure to Step on Them Barefoot First Thing in the Morning" trick. (But you see, that's how they show us their love!!)

I cannot believe that those chicks were making adorable twitchy movements right next to that cat's mouth, and he or she didn't immediately lunge for the little ones. To my cat, these would have been tasty snacks within reach.

Fuck you Victoria Jackson and your shit-eating friend.