Incredibly rich man does things that will ensure he remains incredibly rich. I’m guessing HamNo’s next piece is going to be titled “Sky blue, water wet, I’m a talentless hack.”

While Sessions—whose folksy Alabama drawl belies a penchant for deep-seated bigotry—has yet to respond to Woodward’s allegation directly, his fellow Southern Republicans have taken up his cause, coming together in one unified voice to respectfully ask President Trump to please try being just a smidge nicer.

Only if people like Monique decide this is how they want to be owned.

I recognize that The Root likely forces quotas on its writers, but this is some total non-news bullshit. It’s not quite as useless as the shit they post on Jezebel, but it’s not far.

I wonder what could possibly motivate a person to attack a news station in this day and age. Why, it boggles the mind.

“Somehow more embarrassing than Kotaku” doesn’t seem like a great theme for Jezebel, but I’m sure you know what you’re doing.

God, I can only hope. An America without NASCAR is a better, significantly less white trash America.

Per TMZ, Demi Lovato’s alleged drug dealer Brandon Johnson “won’t be investigated” for her OD. Despite the video released last week in which he admits to providing drugs for the singer, “law enforcement sources say he’s off the hook.” They write:

Being the dictionary definition of unfuckable nebbish will do that to a person. Karma has a sick sense of vengeance.

Have you seen this motherfucker? Karma has been kicking this ambulatory penis since birth.

Unless you’re 12 years old, you should know better than to ask this question.

You and me both. I was stunned when I met someone relatively young who adores New Balance shoes (mostly because he’s massively cheap).

In a better world, these assholes would murder each other instead of petulant, passive-aggressive bitching.

Do you imagine that if you use enough multisyllabic words that what you’re saying won’t be idiotic shit?

I’m cool with this. A Facebook private group has all the clout and meaning of three people standing in an alley shouting at one another. It’s not like Jones found a newer, better platform to spread his bullshit; he’s been pushed down to the smallest option available. The dude’s entire shtick is on life support and…

I grimace at the thought of buying New Balance shoes because I’m not an elderly person who has given up on being fashionable.

I love this. Nike tapping Kaepernick as the face of this ad campaign is the latest example of a major corporation looking at Trump’s base and deciding, “Eh, we can do without their white trash money.”

Randy Quaid looks pissed.

Honeycrisp aren’t the best apples, they’re the only apples. Everything else is lies and sadness.

Even in the shitty ruins of Gawker, Jezebel manages to stand out as the least necessary wing.