On the bright side, disasters like this tend to hit red states, giving Trump’s white trash base a first-hand view of what happens when you trust the GOP to not fuck you over for fun and profit.

Which is the true crime here. A few knives slipped between the right ribs would fix a lot of America’s problems.

I’d take that a step further and argue that the rich are, on average, dumber than the average person. Having money insulates a person from the stresses and problems of reality — stresses and problems that require creative thinking abilities, flexibility, and resourcefulness. If you live a life of luxury, there’s not…

That was a whole lot of text to say nothing of value.

Trump.

I haven’t bought a physical game in over a decade, and I’ll never go back. Yes, it costs more, but it’s a price I’m happy to pay for the convenience of digital and never having to interact with a Gamestop or its victims employees again.

Nah, the sorts of outlets that would hire someone with her political history are also the sorts of outlets that would not hire a chubby brunette with a lazy eye.

Someone should do a study on why conservatism attracts such weird-looking motherfuckers. Granted, physical appearance is no determinant of the quality of a person’s character, but it’s as if the right is made up entirely of people whose horrible personalities have manifested via their unsettling faces.

That’s the most plausible assumption, barely edging out spousal abuse and Melania secretly getting a divorce.

The problem is their targeted market has the collective IQ of a maggot prior to metamorphing into a fly.

Jim Henson and Fred Rogers are my tipping points. If they’re revealed to be sex predators, we may as well light the world on fire because humanity is simply not worthwhile.

People should not be judged based on their appearance.

So, you’re telling me that a woman whose primary claim to fame is having a large ass and publicly fucking the shallow end of Brandy’s gene pool is NOT an expert diplomat?

Bloomberg News reports that Kardashian’s plea for Johnson’s pardon went like a termite that eats corn instead of wood: in one ear and out the other.

Can we take a moment to talk about her brother?

A McMansion IS a mediocre home.

Maybe its anecdotal, but combat sports seem to attract a hell of a lot more racist white trash than any other sport. NASCAR might beat it out for sheer numbers, but per capita, there’s a shit ton of white supremacists throughout MMA and pro wrestling.

Yes, this kid will be fine.

‘Let’s do even more unpopular stuff right before the election’ doesn’t seem like an excellent strategy...

Y’know, I’m not too worried about this. Sure, some khaki-wearing dorks will move a bit to the right (and become even more unlikeable), but if there’s one dependable political stereotype, it’s that kids will always skew liberal. Conservatism is just not cool. It never will be. It’s the domain of unfuckable losers like…