“Cannibalism” is an outdated and oppressive term. The politically correct terminology is “free eating.” The readers of Jez are due an apology.

Somewhat off-topic, but this is what gets me about the anti-abortion debate. I’m not obligated to perform CPR on you if I feel that I’m not qualified to perform it, even to save your life. I’m not obligated to donate an organ to you, even to save your life. Yet somehow, I’m supposed to be obligated to donate my uterus…

I don’t think ted cruz counts as a dude, so much as a sexless skinvelope piloted by a reptoid duplicon from beyond the stars.

Dr. Rick Santorum, Medicine Man

You know, before #MeToo, I thought whipping one’s dick out in front of women absent a specific request to do so was something only creeps in trench coats did in public parks and on the subway. I thought it was, you know, somewhat rare. Now I find out, to my amazement, that it seems there isn’t a single profession…

His sister is a practicing thespian, and his brother is an avowed homo sapien!

She only exercised her right to bare arms.

It took the Changeling Shrewds forever though to teach them that little trick.

You don’t like cosplay?

Thank you, I hear ya. :)

Puns always get a star.

“Chobani” just always sounds to me like something yelled at a cab driver between “HEY” and “I’M WALKIN’ HERE”.

Trying not to picture Trump having sex is an underrated burden of modern politics.

I assume the hair situation is likely at the core of most, if not all, of these payoffs we’re hearing about. No one can hear the truth about the hair!

I Hope she tells us who it is.

Yeah, my best friend and her husband were together 5 years when they got married, and had a rough first 1-2 years. Granted, they had insane life changes RIGHT when they got married (which was partly WHY they got married exactly when they did) as in moved across an ocean, had to adjust to a different culture/language,…

She’s been pregnant more times than the Duggars!

I met a couple when I was on vacation. They’d been together 7 years. She’d been married before (they were over 40). She was with her ex-husband for 10 years before they got married, and he “changed his mind” and left her after THREE MONTHS. I was pretty floored. She said she was completely humiliated. Apparently “he…

TWINS!

In my experience, everyone has different expectations of what married life will be, and those are usually different from the committed long term engagement even. I was with my partner for eight years before getting married, of which I was engaged for five of those years. Even though he and I swore to each other that…