Let me drop a little lawyer on you:

Q: You’re 70 now?

A: That’s correct

Q: So, we’re to believe you’re a gentle-driving retiree, is that it?

A: Why, yes, sonny, that’s right.

But why?

Lets see... Out of warranty Audi.... Out of warranty performance Audi. Out of warranty performance Audi with questionable legality...

You’re in the right lane...right?  If you’re going to cruise along under the limit, make sure you’re not camping in the left lane and screwing up the whole process.  

*slow clap*

That, sir, is how to tell a troll to eat shit. +1

These aren’t mutually exclusive, you judgmental ass. And i was trying to generate a bit of dark humor, but since that was obviously lost on you, let’s examine, shall we?

My vote? Time-traveling tourists. Sightings are increasing because we’re getting closer to WWIII, a popular destination in time for history buffs.

Bye bye Miss American Pie drove my Ford to the Fjord but the Fjord was dry.

It makes my ass hurt just thinking about this landing

As an annoying brother, I can confirm that this is the only way.

It’s your brother? Just whack him with the grill tongs and then punch him in the throat. He’ll learn.

I really like how they’ve rearranged the deck chairs. Very nice.

Think I’ll take the week off Lifehacker for “Weed Week”. Used to be so much awesome content here for actually hacking my life and now the content seems to get worse every few months. 

Count yourself lucky. They’re even uglier in real life. It’s like an SUV without the utility, or the sport. It is, however, a vehicle.

So like “The food made me ill but the restroom was clean enough to throw up in.”?

Reminder set.

Don’t go chasing waterfalls

THIS is the 2000 Toyota Avalon. That’s right, today I’ll be reviewing a 19-year old large Toyota sedan from the middle of the Boring Era. It’s just like the one your grandparents probably traded in last year. Just kidding - they’re probably still driving it!

Never make fun of your boss on the internet.  (It’s a tribute Doug, I swear!)