When questioned about the incident the man said, “If only I had a gun in the other hand, I could have stopped myself.”

Lack of engine noise has been an issue since headphones (portable) became a thing. So at this point, it just feels like a culling of the herd if you’re not paying attention.

Yeah, but how’s their peppersteak?

Those are Aubrey Plaza’s children, so be careful.

Everything seems to happen in Uttar Pradesh. Is that the Florida of India?

This is a beta-test for Ivanka’s national child-care program

Might be a special needs kid whose birth family tried to abandon her. Poor girl — I hope she’s able to get the help she needs.

They are the bare necessities ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Fuck all of you Social Justice Warriors. Tarzan was about a white man who is raised by apes.

Hey... what’s a feral girl like you doing in a classic Rudyard Kipling setting like this?

It’s interesting and a bit weird whenever a celeb shaves off their famous beard.

“I Call On All Civilized Nations To Join Us In Seeking To End This Infinitely Scrolling Blog Disaster”

It shouldn’t have to be said, but I will say it anyway: If you voted for Trump because you “just didn’t like Hillary,” I will never fucking forgive you.

Why be smart for life when you can be an OK athlete for a decade?

I don’t actually know who Cory Gamble is, but I know to my core that he can do better.

The Democrats will make a deal with me on healthcare as soon as ObamaCare folds - not long. Do not worry, we are in very good shape!

Getting rid of environmental regulations to save coal jobs is like getting rid of animal abuse laws to save the horse and buggy industry when cars were invented.