So it sounds like the first guy doesn’t want to go down on anyone, and is really looking for an answer as to whether, in order to ever have sex again, he has to. He doesn’t, and here, based on many years of successfully and unsuccessfully having sex with straight and bisexual men as a vagina-possessing person, is my…

Oh sure, some dudes can get real weird about it. I’m just saying, if one is not into oral maybe don’t say “your vagina/penis is disgusting to me” as your reasoning.

You feel how you feel, but I don’t think I would explain it that way to the woman involved. I don’t think anyone would feel great about having their genitals considered disgusting.

Nearly everything is foreplay in a good relationship. Especially at 22 years (18 married this weekend!) If you don’t actively work on it, you end up as one of those “sexless friends stuck together forever” things.

RE: Lickless...

Most of the stuff above is good advice, vis à vis your own state of mind and expectations. But there is one major thing absent from it:

Be communicative. Like a thing? Say that. Want or don’t want a thing? Ask for it or ask for the opposite of it. Don’t like a thing? Say that. Not sure what she wants?…

Yes. And though oral is the focus of the reply, it bears emphasizing once more what happens a bit later:

Actually, this is spot on advice.

To get better at oral sex, practice on a banana.

Exactly. Here’s the thing: “fakes” didn’t lead to the stereotype. Straight people did, because they *made* the stereotype. That isn’t to say that no person has ever realized later they weren’t bi, or come out as bi in a misguided attempt to make things easier for themself/others, but straight people were *absolutely*…

Uhh... It’s laid out in the story. Ben Hopkins identifies as neither male nor female, and uses the pronoun “they/them/theirs”. That’s not a question here. The discussion is mostly about how people in power abuse their power, whether or not they are queer (e.g. gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, trans, gender…

Hiya! I swear I’m not stalking you. I’m just a trans woman watching this thread unfold. And, I fully agree with you as well as many others here. :)

Yeah but I’m not trying to call out specific individuals, I just have my deep suspicions about specific individuals leading me to believe this is a real thing. If it’s not on the table for discussion I don’t think it’s likely that people are going to be able to call themselves out, which is my preferred resolution.

I accept that you are right in saying it happens, just as some very small percentage of people claim bisexuality for the same reason. I understand and can conceptually put myself into a frame of mind where I get your frustration, there are conversations I have had where I’ve shared them, despite myself. But to…

Found the TERF.

That’s true, except that this concept of fluidity is allowing opportunistic individuals in certain communities to adopt marginalized gender identities in order to amplify their own voices and shutting that conversation down I think is a disservice.

That’s fair. I agree that there privileged people intentionally othering themselves in an issue, but I honestly don’t know if there’s a way to discuss it without inadvertently damaging the lives of marginalized people.

“Changing gender presentation doesn’t erase a lifetime of male socialization and privilege.”

Or you could just treat everyone like they were sincere? Since you admit that it’s impossible to know.

“your viewpoint is based on activism and ideology and not evidence.”

This is a transmisogynous talking point used by TWEFs (think TERF but with specific hatred of trans women) who, by the way, run parallel to the Alt-Right’s views on trans women. These views are justified by second wave feminist concepts to disguise this fact. The specific concept of “male socialization” is one that…