I was so worried that every story was going to begin with a college student stating “Some old guy/woman, probably about 50 years old” and then force me cry through the entire post.

I am as enticed by the onion rings in this picture. Where do I have to go to find this magical land where people don’t fuck up onion rings by making them huge and thick so the entire fucking onion slimes out onto your face when you take one bite?

I found that one the most hilarious, it’s like... um, the goal was to make marriage equality the law of the land. What, you think they’re going to bring out the rainbow nukes?

I had a threesome with the bride and groom a week before their wedding as my wedding gift to them.

i need this. so much. #dadof3cats

The bartender later comes up to me to let me know that the horrible family is out celebrating the fact that they had closed on TWO condos they bought for each of their children in SOMA, San Francisco.

The #1 comment on gizmodo is basically: Men get Harrassed too! There are a lot of differing opinions, but some of those (not grey) comments are rough.

*Looks at Poulter’s picture*

Grim Yelp Reviews: where Behind Closed Ovens’ vomit and poop stories come to die.

Liar! He hosts a radio programme.

My mom’s best friend (Melissa) wanted me to do the cake on every table thing so badly, and when I was like, “Nope!” she said she would just make her daughter do it, at which point her daughter said she thought it was a bad idea because if Melissa got to the table first no one would ever know a cake had been there.

somewhere in the corner of the internet where they celebrate white history month, i imagine

Please don’t talk about John Carter. It’ll always be too soon.

Well, I think he’s not a moron, just maybe not a habitual deep thinker or a user (or understander) of big words. Which, dude, that’s fine. You’re a movie star, I don’t expect you to be issuing a scholarly treatise on body dysmorphia and touring the collegiate lecture circuit or whatever. I would MUCH prefer this to,…

The only thing worse than my being pedantic is my being pedantic and wrong.

This is beautiful.\/

This video has better production value than most Uwe Boll creations, and the actor’s really emoting. I’m impressed.