You are extrapolating your individual anecdotal experience to the entire community and diagnosing people despite no clinical expertise to do so. You’re not a psychiatrist, psychologist, or even licensed counselor. You really are not qualified to make a determination about what drives your friends to engage in what you…

And real people get harmed by the vanilla community that doesn’t emphasize positive consent and open communication. That problem isn’t remotely unique to BDSM communities.

Is running a 10k race a symptom of illness? We regularly do physical activities which require physical and mental conditioning that would be painful if we weren’t prepared; what would leave you puking in the bushes might be delightful to me. It doesn’t mean that someone gets off on pain, it means that it *doesn’t hurt…

Uh, no, you are unhealthy. There’s an entire spectrum of sensation that you are not qualified to pathologize, especially since you struggle to even understand the basic concepts. Go to therapy.

50SOG did NOT depict BDSM, it depicted ABUSE. Go educate yourself. There are articles plastered all over the Internet about how the book and movie got EVERYTHING wrong about a healthy relationship and if you’re looking to get kinky, that’s not how to do it in a safe or loving way.

Just because someone is not wired exactly the same as you (or exactly like you ;) ) does not mean they have some pathology. If they need mental health help, I can think of several better places to get it than a priest, since statistically they’re likely to get raped if they’re of a certain age and gender.

I meant to send to jazmaniandevil. They manage to separate themselves from their choices in partners.

Radgurl is so right, the call is coming from inside the house. You don’t even have to wait for him to get stalkery, he’s already a douche and not giving you what you want. He’s being a trifling dickhead. Unless you are 15 years old, you’re too old to put up with that kind of bullshit.

If frat boys can go warthogging and do every gross thing it is they do, banging some dork is not reflective of you as a person, what you deserve, or the best you can get.

That’s a really articulate and thoughtful response but NO I WANT TO BE TAN

That unease is a sign of something fucked up going on

“This is also the longest relationship I’ve ever been in and I feel like half of me is just doing it for the experience (*cough* and the sex *cough)“

Even if he wasn’t objectively tallying up effort (he is) and you just erroneously felt he was (you’re not), that would still be reason enough to leave even if only to get your shit together. “I’m not feeling it” is a bulletproof reason to leave an uncommitted relationship. You already know it isn’t right. Leave. You…

He is probably very book smart and probably very kind but deeply, deeply uncool. And I’m guessing very unfunny. He’s too earnest, he doesn’t have that edge to him.

And saw the first episode of Downton Abbey and thought Mr Pamook was a real looker before Mary fucked him to death.

Good call, because the actress was like 18 and the actor 33ish at the time of the first movie. I was confused when I saw trailers so I looked up who these people were supposed to be and the ages of the actors. Oh my.

The root of it is fear on both sides and rightly so. It takes a lot of training, community outreach, deescalation, and boring policework to make it a less scary situation. Poverty and education play roles.

Exactly!

They’re yelling because they’re just trying to get someone to acknowledge the problem. Maybe you haven’t experienced this, but sometimes you say, “hey this isn’t working, here’s how to fix it,” and are met with resistance that there isn’t even a problem. These communities in particular have met with that attitude very…

You’ve identified some real problems in policework and finding officers but ultimately the job is more constabulary in nature than militaristic. Being a constable IS boring. It is repetitive, mostly petty bullshit with 98-99% of your conflict solved with a conversation. That 1-2% of immediate danger is why it’s so…