"I don't like hashtags! Wah!" - Stay off the Internet fool.

There was a very human-like footprint found in volcanic ash dating to 3 million years ago some years back. You'll have a hard time finding info about it because journals won't publish things that totally screw the timeline.

I always order a tossed salad.

And clench up your butt cheeks.

And next, a pants-work mic that will amplify your farts through your smartphone and make them sound like lion's roars.

No, in the face.

Spoken like a true piece of shit.

Didn't they just say that moon dust is carcinogenic?

I often spray DNA in my assailant's face ... if you know what I mean.

It give you ball-cancer.

I don't think you know what entrapment means.

I don't think you know what entrapment means.

It turns thugs blind!

It's called an octothorpe bitches!

Your mom is a wooly, wall-mounted audio orb.

That's what it looks like post-digestion and elimination.

Sandra Bullock's tampon string is quite long in this flick.

Power your car with your girlfriend's pap smear!

What if your gut is an idiot too?

His signature technique - the Rochester Reacharound