This is how you're supposed to have lunch in Japan:

This is where the porn goes.

Vacuous wasteland of talentless crazy.

Hanna Montana opens her own BDSM dungeon

This is where the Kennedy's like it.

I think it would be foolish to assume the NSA couldn't crack this in half a second.

I've just amputated my pinky with some string instead of walking over to the drawer and getting a pair of scissors. Thank you Lifehacker!

It doesn't work on my wrinkly #@$%.

Irons make good improvised weapons.

New Butt-crack

Why didn't the eyewitness call the police or say something?

What about the photographer? Did the a-hole just sit there snapping away while this guy choked his wife? What kind of a dickless ass wouldn't step in at some point?

Dear Charles,

As a 4th dan jujutsu instructor, and an expert in choking bitches like you, let me be the first to offer my services to demonstrate on you the difference between a playful tiff and choking.

BMI is a ridiculous standard. Most pro athletes are technically obese. BMI doesn't consider body composition.

"The issue with the effectiveness of this diet is that while you are exhausting your body, you are not consuming calories by using physical strength."

Clearly the good doctor has never played with the likes of my 15 pounds of dangling fury.

I was also thinking that this should be based on population density. If you have a town with a population of 2,000 and fifty people using racial slurs, that's very different than 50 people in a city of 100,000

Could I make an extra limb out of this and attach it. Or say, lengthen a certain body part?

I want to fire a probe at Uranus.

I once read a comic book and then pooped on my dog.

What would be even cooler is to Photoshop yourself into their profile photos butt nekkid.