Judi Dench DMs for her grandchildren on her off days.

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

I’m a little late but here goes. I worked in a Gay Dennys in Arizona and soon after gay marriage became legal, I had the most adorable elderly couple of men, one white, one black. They were seated at the counter and had on these beautiful leis. I asked if I could feel the real flowers and asked what the occasion was.…

WORTH IT.

Lambs are so fucking cute. I moved to Scotland last year and this is my first lamb season—I have never squeed so much in my life. They are wondrously springy and I love watching them bouncing around the fields when I’m riding past on the train. My partner has a bunch of sheep farmers in his family and they invited us…

Wait - WHAT did they try to tell her? That she shouldn’t post what she damn-well wants to post on FB? How does that make them in the right here?

Air Force Brethren must be friends with Wig Lady, who thinks "I'm pretty sure my granddaughter worked at Hollister for the summer, back in the 90s" means that I should give her a mall employee discount. Please, continue to play Six Degrees of Barely Relevant so I can come up with a reason to give you sixty cents off…

Have you met a cat? Your mere existence qualifies as "starting shit."

Counterpoint: Milk is delicious.

Thank you!

I just used to get the "so when are we gonna have sex?" Dude does that line ever work for you? Block.

Right. At a certain point you have to go for the nuclear option. Otherwise, this guy would have just kept slithering around, demanding her attention.

oh god what if the kid got away with like

"And here is our garden."

I quickly read:

I accidentally bought my daughter a My Little Pony toy microphone that plays this song:

He was definitely the creepiest vampire in "Lost Boys."

I'm one of three people at my firm who has to be in the office today, and this is the first story I read on Jez this morning.