I hate when I pull up in the drive thru and there’s a car or 2 ahead of me but the stupid place only has the one sign at the spot where you order yet there’s PLENTY of space to put up another one so that those waiting can look and decide what to order. I usually know what I want but sometimes I don’t. I try to not…

I think though the best response I got...and by best I mean the most cringe inducing one...was a letter I got from random guy. And by letter, I mean it was a virtual WALL OF TEXT. No paragraphs, no capital letters. Punctuation in the middle of words. IN THE MIDDLE OF WORDS for fucks sake.

Lord of the Doucheclowns should be the name of my ex's band. With him as lead singer. Best. comment. ever.

I got a response on my profile and was chatting with him on yahoo messenger for the FIRST TIME and dude puts his kid (so he says) on and said kid asks me "are you going to be my new mom?"

My Great Aunt passed away earlier this year and left her house to the 7 grandkids in the family. We all decided to put the house on the market, which we did about 4 months ago. I got a call from my brother that we got an offer with a 60 day escrow. The amount is pretty good and after it's all said and done, we'll each…

"inoffensive and quite complimentary"? Every single time I think I've heard the stupidest thing ever said...someone has to go and open their mouth and let the stupid out.

Only if they have the 64 crayon box with the built in sharpener. THAT'S how death by crayon works.

And here I thought sending out 150 wedding invites and having about 175 people show up was a lot...most of them were from my side though. Mexican + Catholic + Wedding + Open bar = lots of people coming out of the woodwork. Even though we're divorced now, it was still a lot of fun.

This is the video that made me fall in love with Andrew Huang. It's complete nonsense but it's so catchy. Anytime I watch it, I end up watching it like 5 times in a row.

I ain't gonna lie, I was scared shitless but I remained calm and spent the time my coworkers were trying to pry the snake off me telling people who were trying to watch from the door way that they weren't allowed back there.

I used to work in a pet store about 20 years ago. We had a few snakes, mostly ball pythons and a red tailed boa or 2. We also had a 6 foot Burmese python named Studly. My boss, myself and one other co worker would bring him out of the snake pit and walk around with him on our shoulders. (As a note, we only ever let…

I used clear labels and a pretty font and printed those suckers up. My handwriting is atrocious and writing out 150 invites plus the RSVP envelopes when you have carpel tunnel, that much writing is NOT happening. If anyone was offended or thought it was tacky, they had the good sense to keep it to themselves.

7 11 used to have this amazing roast beef and cheddar with lettuce on a onion roll. Those sandwiches were like crack. They also had that little card where you buy 5 and get the 6th for free. I'd fill one of those in a week. sometimes less. God I loved those sandwiches and I want 2 of them right now.

I have enough reality in my life...I don't need to watch it on TV.

I will need to put this link on my phone and my nook so I can generate names whenever I want.

I think one of my most favorite toys I had as a kid was the little people house. It had a real working doorbell! The other thing I loved was the parking garage for little people. It had a real working elevator! Let's not forget the little people castle, farm (it moo'd!), airplane and the set of Sesame Street. I loved…

Someone once told me that the best way to wake up someone who won't get up is to keep a bag of glass marbles in the freezer. When said person won't get up, pour the marbles into bed with them. The marbles will follow them all over until they get up. My preferred method? I would stand in the doorway and use a spray…

The guy I'm seeing kinda sorta is a good friend who I happen to sleep with on occasion. I don't consider him my boyfriend but he's more then just a friend. So when I first met him, I decided to call him "The Dude" when talking about him to my friends. It was easier then calling him by name, then explaining the exact…

I absolutely love TJ's. I would buy the best licorice there...and they sold (or at least they used to) this amazing sweet and hot mustard that I could eat by the spoonful. The closest one here in TN is about an hour or so away. I haven't made the trek but I totally should, just to see if i could find that mustard. If…

I got a bit weepy, I ain't gonna lie but then I read your story and I couldn't stop laughing. I totally love you now. Maybe not as much as that horse loved your mom but you know what I mean.