my favorite Maria Bamford thing:

I met her very briefly last year, when she did a friend's podcast. She was incredibly sweet, and so very nice — she offered to put me on the list for that night's show, then dug around in her bag for a pen to get my name ... it was a short encounter, but she was so genuine and kind. It made me love her even more.

I love Maria so much. It makes me angry that she hasn't been terribly successful so far and I know it's directly because she makes people uncomfortable because she doesn't say the things successful female comedians are supposed to say. I'd trade ten women comedians like Whitney Cummings and Chelsea Handler for one…

I'm not going to get my hopes up here but can we talk about how beautiful this island is? Holy crap.

What part of the pharmacy can I go to in order to get some of these so that I can forget you ever said that...

The most disconcerting thought in all of this is not 50+ year old women bearing children, it's the thought of trying to put in a tampon with shaky old lady hands...

I often greet my dog with a variation of the "heyy brother." I just can't help myself.

He combined my two favorite indicators of "trying way too hard to prove 'coolness'" into one glorious, drunk rant! The "My penis is huge! Clearly I'm awesome because of this! Guy, I'm seriously right now!" and the "You only hate me because you're jealous!" argument. Both so incredibly flawless at detecting insecure…

THIS is what her foot looks like on the inside...SO BEAUTIFUL, right?

The "Reasons I'm Glad I don't have Daughters: because sluts" thing is DEFINITELY something I've heard/seen before, so, I gotta ask: does anybody else get a weird incesty vibe from that? Like, not just does this girl's body belong to the boys at her school, but more importantly, and in a completely sexual way, to her…

Given the way you're focusing on ass shots of teenage girls, I'm also kinda glad you don't have daughters o_O

I'm going to make a blog post called 60 Examples of Why I'm Glad Vivienne Wagner Isn't My Mom. Spoiler alert: most of it will be dissecting pictures from when she was in 8th grade.

OMG ME TOO, I'm totally wearing the Velocipedestrienne shirt right now. :D

If it's fun for you, you should spend as much time on fashion as you want, but seriously I am not buying the argument that this should be more of a priority for everyone. What random strangers are wearing outside of a professional setting should be solidly filed under "not my business" and "who cares."

Yeah, everyone. You should all be ashamed of yourselves for not spending more of your money on clothes, which are so ridiculously marked-up compared to their production costs that you might as well be setting your money on fire, and for not spending more of your time worrying about whether or not your clothes conform…

Don't worry your pretty head. You'll be seeing more of me soon (she said FORESHADOWINGLY).

When the girls' basketball coach found out the two were dating, she kicked Kate off the team

"Listen," said the parents and the school in a joint statement, "If this were an issue of a promising young football player playfully raping another student, certainly we could look the other way. But this isn't that. This is a violent crime of an evil teenager consensually having sex with a slightly younger teenager.…

Can't we rage at them about all those things, and this thing too?

Not raging about EVERYTHING they do that's offensive, or against the things you might find more offensive, doesn't negate the validity of the single thing being raged about.