Like every Ferrari, through expensive rose-colored glasses.

We’ll see who is laughing when all my sweat is wicked away into the atmosphere.

My girlfriend groaned so hard when the kid zombies appeared. I suppose the love of motherhood is a theme of the show, but it was silly.

I squeaked, said, “That’s four pounds seventy”

This really should have been the Patriots’ punishment.

Try your hardest not to shit your pants or everyone will call you “that guy who shit his pants” until you get a new job.

“Maybe I should go on a bigger street.” That cracked me up!

when I worked at Lexus we had a customer come in complaining about an oil leak on his LS 460 when the model first came out. He had the same routine every morning he would pull out of his driveway. check see the cleanliness of his driveway, go to work come home, and by morning time there was a puddle of oil. management…

Well yeah, he drove Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden in a Fury.

Or so freaking heavy a tornado can’t blow it away...

God's a Mopar guy. Nice.

I love deadlifts but watching that video hurt me.

HEAD COACH: Alright, let’s draw up the punt return play - who do you need out there?

I must say, the whole “all cartoons are only for kids” mentality annoys me.

“you’ve never worked with the general public before.”

I’ve been working with General Public so long, he was just Lieutenant Public when I got started.