“Thank you for remembering me,” he says. “It’s nice to be remembered.”

this is getting silly.

This looks like amazing amounts of fun. Do these exist in the US anywhere?

Fortunately, Charles Barkley was there to give Shaq a rambling, 12 minute lecture on how to pick himself up by his own boot straps.

The first thing I thought when I heard this BS was “but... my beard is connected to the hair on my head and therefore the same and therefore women with long hair must be far worse culprits.”

Is your beard harboring germs and linked to ISIS? Tune in at 10. Please do it... we promise we’re still a relevant way to get news.

“You can make out words” — this is high praise for my videos.

maybe he’s just seanist

Why would you do that to yourself?

Ford vans are selling because the Transit Connect is hilariously fun (and capable). I test drove the Connect short wheelbase panel van (only one they had) for a car review and laughed the whole way home.. it made turbo noises! And it handled great! And it’s entirely made of doors!

A Chrysler dealership didn’t do repairs properly? Shock! Shock I say! *realizes he owns a Jeep*

You’re just adding more holes for him to try to put his penis in.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN TO MY 5-YEAR-OLD SON THAT TWO GROWN MEN CAN’T GET DRUNK BECAUSE BUD LIGHT COSTS $10?

Okay, fine. Maybe they can jump, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they should.

Jesus, no. That’s the Tampa Bay jersey. While they are synonymous, they aren’t even spelled the same.

“Are you sure you’ve thought this through?”