He’s the six million dollar bro. We made him bigger, stronger, faster, but we couldn’t get him to stop laughing at the number 69.

[Manziel] showed up to the Cowboys offices with a needle hanging out of his arm and a dead hooker in the trunk of the car that he crashed into the light pole on the way in.

Oh no, oh my god no.

Ezekiel Elliott definitely sounds like a bourbon, not a single malt scotch.

Nobody actually believes that “America’s Team” crap, do they?

“Heck! Dang peanuts made me thirsty again. Better find that feller with the milk!”

“Those peanuts would go great with the milk I’ve kept in my mouth for the past 5 hours”

That's a guy who will pull over for a hand painted sign advertising boiled peanuts. Every damn time.

They say they’re America’s Team but I’m not feeling it

The face of a guy who would ask you for a sip of your milk.

As an Eagles fan who probably won’t see a Super Bowl in this lifetime, watching Cowboys fans suffer in due to an inevitable collapse is my heroin. May GM Jerry Jones live forever.

I’m pretty sure Bill Clinton is still receiving covert blowjobs.

What a horrible person. I hope that the woman whose picture was taken is doing okay. :( Such a foul fucking human, man.

No, THIS is terrifying madness:

Jalopnik’s Stig = Andy Lally!

What do you think, should we invite him back?

So Andy, are you staff or just ones offs like this? in any case, great stuff.