My 2006 VW Jetta was apparently previously owned by the world's strongest person. There hasn't been a job that I've gone to do that hasn't been brought to a halt by a stripped out bolt. They even stripped the single bolts on the brake rotors that simply hold them in line with the holes on the hub.

Founder’s All Day is $3 a can pretty much anywhere around me. It lets me be cheap and drink the actual amount I want to while my friends ooh and ahh over there 80z/$6 tumblers of whatever smokey gose farmhouse ale is available.

Yeah me neither. They invested too much into his story line.

If Sean Bean’s death in GoT hasn’t changed your world view to allow for this sort of main-character-cide, then I don’t know what will. You keep living your naïve life.

I'm kind of with you. He's a douche, but comparatively, he's a harmless douche.

I feel for you having to work in a theater. It was my first job, and I got called “retarded” on my first day. The worst part is that I actually have cerebral palsy and a slight limp, so this lady really thought that because I wasn't moving fast enough for her that I must have mental retardation.

Saliva is the best pre-treatment. It will get everything out. The only downside is sometimes you don't want to lick whatever fell on you.

No, we obviously don't even like cars.

At home, drunk on Foster's (I had just turned 21; give me a break), having a mild heart attack as Howard hurled it forward.

Super bummed his name wasn't listed after "Director" on this episode. Gave me a sense of dread for the coming season.

Actually looks like a backflip to flair. He goes straight back on the first one and then twists 180 degrees on the second one. No 540s here.

My dad has never asked for anything but "a clean house and good kids." I secretly think what he wants is a happy wife. He's a pretty good dude. I should get him some fishing gear.

I have straight up fallen down after bumping into a wall while walking. There's a reason I'm never on two wheels.

I think Hunter S. Thompson pitched this idea while reviewing a Ducati.

1. Put 9-band EQ in car.

Then again...I just really like almost everything Cigar City does.

My friend got me a bomber of this for my birthday with the caveat that he knew I was lactose intolerant but I had to try it. He also got me a lactase pill which was very thoughtful.

BUT IT WORKS!

Or really crappy weed.

My highlight reel would have been exclusively his dives. I couldn't stop annoying my friends by saying, "Looks like Dellavedova...DOVA into the crowd again!" Of course, I have no friends because of jokes like that, so my dog mostly just ignored me and farted in protest.