“What’s homo milk? Is this milk from GAY COWS?!”

Optional “To fire back” that works for all of these: The traditional Southern “That’s nice, dear. Bless your heart.”

The first time I had my period, my mom was out of town. It was only one day, and it turned my blue underwear purple, so I assumed I was peeing dye for some reason. It was only when I mentioned it to my mom a few weeks later that she pointed out it was probably my period.

I made tomato bisque and grilled cheese sandwiches with bacon for family dinner tonight. I totally forgot it was Easter (resident junior atheist), but was thrilled when my grandmother said she liked the nontraditional Easter dinner.

I had all four wisdom teeth removed pre-eruption (although just barely). The surgery is nothing to worry about. My anecdata: The nurse gave me the shot of anesthesia and told me to count down from ten. I did so all the way, announced "I don't think it's working", and then passed out. Oh, and when I came out of…

Pics or it didn't happen!

How would you keep the bowlers on the pine martens? They aren't exactly hat-conducive little beasts.

Argh! You beat me to the Lenin joke!

Understands sarcasm. Likes animals. Not a bad person (encompasses not misogynistic, not abusive, no anger issues, etc, etc, etc). Bonus points: Geeky. Fits my standards of attractiveness.

If you had said that to me when I was ten, I would have eaten yogurt until I was blue in the face.

There's no need for special brogurt. Michael Westin eats yogurt.

My parents gave me a Human Sexuality textbook and signed the permission slip for sex ed in middle school. I was just glad I never had to admit I knew 90% from the Internet.

When I get old enough to have white hair, I'm going to dye it green. Then in my free time, I'm going to see in trees at the park and tell anyone who notices me that I'm a tree spirit.

Pastrami, thanks.

Oops. *cough* Yeah, maybe I should have read that first rather than going with the summary.

Dolphins are the frat boys of the sea. They'll keep a female from her family and prevent her from eating until she lets them rape her. They kill babies for fun- porpoise babies, whale babies, shark babies, dolphin babies. In fact, males will kill dolphin babies so the mother will be more interested in sex with them.

That has to be difficult to walk in...

Agreed.

She's lovely, but why is she wearing a trash-bag corset?