Great post - are you a meter maid, IRS agent, Tsa Agent or Hall Monitor?

Exactly. Who were the victims here? Why should I care? Who gives a f*** if a bunch of insufferable marathoners are salty that they shelled out hundreds of self-satisfaction dollars and these people didn't? This post made very little sense.

At worst they ran blush. Mayyyybe mascara.

If only we had some leads! GAH!

That's quite a twist on the old nerd "I have a Canadian girlfriend" trope.

I know he's not an adequate replacement for La Lansbury... but Michael Caine tweets, if it's any consolation.

WHERE IS NICOLAJ WALDER-COSTAU

This motherfucking bee pollen must really be a super food. I haven't accomplished this much in six months.

If I were her, I would make this my official image for all eternity:

I know a couple Torbins. One's an adult.

Wonder how concerned she was about these assholes when they were talking shit about "overweight" gymgoers? Many, many people (including me) won't go to gyms because they know they'll get the snotty looks, at best, and the hateful comments, at worst. (I can't even walk my local streets for exercise without getting "Fat…

You pretty much have to be a completely ignorant tool to believe "god doesn't make mistakes". Any human biology course will show you otherwise in a hurry.

This title should say "Idris Elba and His Girlfriend Had the Cutest Baby in History." We can say this with 100% confidence without having seen any pictures. Their baby probably makes every other baby look like a tiny pile of garbage.

The first time I saw LA Jesus I almost crashed my car. If Jared Leto had been there that story would have one less word.

Um, maybe I should seek counseling. Cause, with a guarantee that I wouldn't get eaten along with the soup, I would totally do this.

Creepy Scientology is creepy.

"Cruise became attracted to her after becoming a fan of Orange Is the New Black (relatable!)."

You know you fucked up when you make American Airlines look like the good guys by comparison.

It's okay to have differences when it comes to idioms, but always remember that you are equals in your relationship.