HELP PEOPLE CARRY STROLLERS, EVERYONE! THIS CANNOT BE STRESSED ENOUGH!

plus you get a little bloody skin in every meal

This cover caught shit back in the day.

But what I really want to talk about here is the scourge of New Year’s Eve weddings. I haven’t actually had to attend one yet, thank god, but increasingly hear of family and friends doing so. What the hell?

Going into teen years now though, and you never know when your kid is going to need you when they’re out with their friends. I felt less guilty drinking when the kid was younger and at her grandparent’s house for the weekend. Also, I was younger then and the recovery is quicker. Now I’m struggling with how I need to…

That kid isn’t gonna care if she’s up with him or not when he is a teen.

Subjective, but I’ve found celibacy from most things to be quite boring.

As far as I’m concerned the Cowboys didn’t even have the right to the “America’s Team” moniker when they were that unstoppable, Jim-Kelly-torturing machine. The only teams deserving of the name were, in order:

What stinks is that in NYC you have that twice, with Santacon.

oh god how did I forget this

Saturday, March 17th. Shudder. 

You said a lot of smart/funny things in this piece, but you also said “ham is mostly terrible” so I think that means we’re enemies.

Wow, Jordan’s friend is an incredible douchecanoe. “Six days in a medium-sized European city?” What.The.Fuck.

“Ham is mostly terrible too, ....”

It’s so clear, so painfully obvious that this man is literally insane and needs to be held somewhere for observation. He needs to be kept away from the public for a very long time.

This will not be his only murder

So hold on, a girl who is trafficked and preyed upon, forced in prostitution, kills a man who picks her up, is given over 50 years, but a grown ass man killing his girlfriend, pouring bleach on her, and not calling 911 until she’s definitely dead only gets 3 years? Yeah, I can definitely see how he’s more capable of…

IN FACT! egg nog has a fascinating history! In London in the 1800s and earlier, it was a very fancy drink, because if you could get egg and dairy and just make a punch of them, you were a very fancy, moneyed person. Look at you, getting fresh dairy and egg in the big city!

curse you for this image. CURSES UPON YOUR HEAD!!

He pours it on Mother during intimacy.