Vibes for a continued healthy pregnancy.  

Yes, that was my first thought as well: turn around, buy a lighter and set the place on fire.

It’s not selfish to want your body back. We give our bodies over as soon as we’re pregnant (and in many cases, long before when we start trying to get pregnant) and we put ourselves second or third for so long. 

As a mom who breastfed my first kiddo (until she started biting HARD at 11 months) and is currently 6 months into breastfeeding my second, I try very VERY hard not to judge these moms. Emphasis on try. However, once you’re into the 3 and 4 year old territory, I kind of wonder if this isn’t an extension of the whole…

This is serial killer behavior 

Does CardiB get along with anyone? It seems like she has a lot of problems with a lot of people and the common denominator seems to be her. 

Cardi B just sounds like a real piece of shit. Sorry, she just does.

My bosses kid once told him he looked like he was about to “splode with fatness”

Nothing beats a stone faced 4 year old looking at you and simply saying, “Daddy, your belly is getting really big.”

I’m just here to give my stars to whoever posts the Chopped gif.

Bow before the one true GIF

this a billion times.

If a role doesn’t require Christian Bale to get ridiculously thin, ridiculously fat, or ridiculously buff, he’s not even considering taking that role!

This seems brilliantly cast. I look forward to destroying an armrest while hate watching it!

I’m too cheap to take my wife to Paris. I need some overbearing friend to go get married IN Paris so that I have no choice but to pony up for a cross-country flight and then bitch about it.

I’d stop him and then shove his nose in it, so he won’t do it again.

We had chickens on our farm when I was growing up, and they are awful animals. They are noisy little shit factories undeserving of respect, unlike the other noisy shit factory animals which seemed somewhat worthy of respect. (Ducks are borderline.)

It’s why I read all of the other articles from today first. Wanted to end on a positive note. 

Donald,

Dear Mr. Whitley,