Jerry O’Connell shot a series north of Toronto last year and I had several friends working on it. They all said he was the nicest, most down to earth sweetheart of a guy.

My other “Basic Bitch” (ha!) song is probably even more shameful: Train’s Drops of Jupiter. It’s just a pop song that works for me for whatever reason, and I never got sick of it in spite of hearing it 1,237,840 times.

not if that shit is a watermelon 

Jesus, that song is 12 years old? I cannot handle the passage of time. Music and the birthdates of young celebrities always throw me for a loop.

“I can look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and say I avoided that tragedy, I avoided that tragedy, I avoided that tragedy,” Ryan tells me. “I advanced this goal, I advanced this goal, I advanced this goal.”

This is a very specific insult. I like it.

That is the face of a man who gets his back hair waxed multiple times weekly and enjoys it sexually.

He took media training from the same person who taught Ivanka.

Jeez, I wonder what these rejected Trump policies entailed? Like, was Trump planning to personally visit migrant child shelters with an axe, Freddy Krueger style?

Yeah I dont need to leave a Hansel and Gretel trail of shit behind me like my tampons, spare change, pens, etc. Hard pass.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I spent at least an hour researching these bags on Amazon and then another 15 minutes trying to figure out if I knit one before I realized that these bags are trash. I am part of the problem. 

I attended a taping before they went to the touch screen board (and every puzzle had to be manually reset). They did three shows back to back and it took four fucking hours. In between each episode there was a long ass break where Pat and Vanna would change and audience members would leave and they’d make us squeeze…

The IKEA apple.

Ok Ariana Grande, we know... we know.

He’s not much of a starchman, that’s for sure. 

Anyone under the age of 25 would destroy that. I know it’s fun to pretend that this is some abomination, but it’s just alot of bread and soup. Young people eat alot of food all the time. 

This ended about the way you’d think it would.

that bread is for dipping into soup, not for pouring soup into

Emma Stone as an elf is my aesthetic.

Her name is Sally Field, not Sally Fields. I’d say I hate to be that person but I’m secretly enamored with it.