If you put meat between two flip flops and eat it, is it a sandwich?

I mean, my feet are pretty gross (especially because I run - hello, horrifying callouses!), but ringworm is objectively worse than what’s already going on down there.

I get this line from college buddies of mine: “dude, how do handle being around all those smoke shows at your professor job?” Set aside the pure objectification of women. Set aside the fact that I am not the adultery type. Set those and other very valid objections. Set them aside. Here’s a fact: 18-23 year old women…

Okay, first of all, fuck the Vikings! Drew is dead, I am your captain now, and I say you will root for the Raiders.

I can’t hold it against someone’s brain not allowing them to remember that Paltrow has a damn Oscar.

...First of His Name.

no offense to these substitutes, but i hate them all so far.

No wonder Meghan knows her way around royalty. Her dad is a fucking drama queen.

we just got judgesplained.

privileged white guy has no clue. who would have thought?

Fuck this judge, but also his notion that judges are simple machines executing the letter of the law. They are no more or less biased than the rest of us. They should be afforded the protection to do their job impartially. He’s already demonstrated his inability to do so.

FUCK HIM

For kicks, let’s start a rumour that BJ is the father of January’s baby too. It’s at least a tiny bit possible.

There’s no way any one other than BJ Novak is the father of Mindy’s baby. Right?

The Kardashian-Jenner man-picker is collectively broken, and they seem to only be with garbage humans and egomaniacs. Of COURSE Kylie wouldn’t sleep with Tim Chung—he’s an attractive professional man with no hugely messy and very public back story.

I will gladly offer my lady parts to Tim Chung.

It is truly a Herculean feat to make that woman look so incredibly out-of-style and even a bit dowdy. The hair is baffling to me as well.

Here’s an intentional dig: I thought Amanda Seyfried was Madonna in that picture.

BEEN WAITIN ALL DAMN DAY