For what it’s worth, if you rubbed your boobs on my door, I would give you whatever I had in my freezer.

I came here to say something like this, but yours was way way funnier than mine. I tip my hat to you.

You’ve legitimately been on fire lately. Like more than normal.

In my fantasy jezebel world where we’re all friends in real life, you’re actually Gronk and I love you.

Always.

We would super miss you

That was such and utter load of crap.

Exactly this. I tried Gothamist and I just can’t. The posts are fine, especially for the hyper local NYC stuff, but the commenting community there is just not even close to the same. So I’m stuck here bc the commenting is too fucking good. And I’m attached to all these people. I still am reeling over Alconleigh and…

Right?! Like Ima hold off my outrage until the next gay shaming and/or blackmailing story comes out. The kid is stretching. I can’t stand Kimmy Kakes as much as the next guy, but this is so not anything to be up in arms over.

You. I like you.

STOP MAKING ME LOVE YOU SO MUCH

That is either a Smurf or Mother Teresa and I’m really not sure which one.

Hold it against you?! I want to smother you in hugs! I almost forgot about my love for Newlyweds until just now.

I’m not 100% sure but this makes me think I need to binge watch all of the Newlyweds to find out

I can never not think of Paris Hilton when I see this

That is honest to god what bothered me the most. Even more than the creepy panty sniffers that bought these lists

I almost forgot how much I missed her.

I saw a quick photo of this somewhere on the internet and totally thought it was an Onion type thing.

The breastmilk mafia is legit scarier than like the actual mob.

I feel like no one needs to write books on Scientology anymore. Just use this statement and then everyone would be like oh I get it.