This whole thigh gap internet nonsense is total bullshit and I hate it. But, please someone tell me where I can get those shorts.

Mariah has FANTASTIC breasts.

I've never been more upset about not being home on a saturday night.

Just make these, guys:

Can I come over 3 times a week?

Marry me.

One time I asked her what I should wear for a night out and she told me that "You don't have to dress up for me". She loves me just the way I am, you guys!

If you'll excuse me, I'm off to eat all the tacos.

Ok, but more importantly... I MISSED NATIONAL TACO DAY?! I didn't even know it was a real thing. Clearly, the best holiday of the year.

Ugh, lucky.

This is so amazing. I want desperately to be friends with you.

Dammit. I had a whole serendipitous future for you guys playing out in my head. Kinda pictured these two:

Zack Morris. There is no other ultimate first crush for a girl my age.

So did you ask her out again?

I guess I'll find out when we get engaged because I've always dreamed of a sapphire engagement ring, but I'll just tell those women to shove it up their asses. I just find it silly that there's so much engagement ring hate on jezebel. I understand championing ethical diamonds and that argument, but if a diamond is…

You raise several excellent points. These points don't seem to be made in the post and most of the time are not raised in any posts on jezebel regarding engagement rings. It's always "rings are gross, tacky and you're ridiculous if you get/want one".

The hands down most annoying thing about jezebel.

Everything you just said is pretty much perfect.

I really don't understand the engagement ring hatred on jezebel. Am I missing something?

Trash or not, I would wear the shit outta that tux in the first row. But that's about it.