The WORST is when I am, ah, making certain noises and realize that they are being broadcast via some stranger's cell phone to other strangers. I recognize that the people on the other end of the phone don't know the identity of the mysterious plopper whose sound effects they're hearing, but I still hate being turned…

Yeah, that possibility had crossed my mind.

Are men good at not using their phones while excreting in a public restroom? Because I have encountered far too many women who are not good at that, not good at that at all.

Are you finding yourself DANGEROUSLY attracted to his crotch?

It looks like it's an exposed zipper. As in, FASHUN.

I . . . find this overwhelming. I believe I shall fill my pockets with rocks and head down to the river for a walk.

Wow—okay. I just imagine my mother as the actress saying all those lines, and she ain't no doll at all. Glad things are better for you! :)

Your story is horrible, and pretty similar to many interactions I've had with my mother in the past. For whatever it's worth, she finally has started to grow out of her self-centered inability to give a damn about anybody else's feelings, at least a little bit, in her ripe old age. I never, ever thought it could…

I had the exact same question.

Small quibble:

It's because they are sexists who are unable to conceive of women as real people who need to be appealed to as real people. They honestly do not understand (well, some of them, anyway) why all of that "legitimate rape" stuff struck women as offensive.

Well, as you said, she isn't him. What I think is most important is how much she did for women as Secretary of State. When she wasn't President, she didn't have anything like full political power. But when she got real international power, she used it for the good of women all around the globe, and she said…

Karl Lagerfeld and Amanda Bynes need to hang out, since they both enjoy calling other people ugly.

AARGH. Why am I back in the gray again? I thought this was fixed last week.

I would have thought there was a smell component involved in moose mating. Like, moose pheromones, rather than brass.

I have never looked at my mother's vagina and hope to hell I never do.

Ah! So precautions are taken! Good to know. Thanks.

This business with the makeup artist reminds me of a question I've had for a while: how do these people generally avoid infecting their clients? It seems as though they reuse the same brushes and applicators and lipsticks all of the time, without any sanitation. (And it's hard to see how sanitation would be possible…

It's grammar-Nazi time!

GODDAMMIT I AM HARDWIRED TO LOVE THIS SHIT.