Wait, I thought the Morning After Pill was so I wouldn't give them herpes...I'm not worried about kids, being sterile and all.

Yeah, I've been wondering the exact same thing. I thought maybe I had forgotten to take my meds, but then I remembered I haven't taken my meds in like 15 years. So that can't be it.

Ha!

I hate to say this, but I think you've been pranked. I just called both 650-999-9999 and 858-999-9999 and they're nonexistent numbers. Sorry guys.

+1

You can find this song on his soon-to-be-released album, "These Colors Don't Run...Unless I've Been Eating Hot Wings"

If he really wanted to pay tribute to America, he would have worn that shirt every single day for the few months following his Lap Band surgery, as he was slowly eliminating his middle.

Ha!

Phine. Be that way.

So, this is a real thing that exists. CHIAOBAMA, EVERYONE!

-1

The Nosy Parkers was the name of the short-lived band in which Corin Nemec took over for Shock G after he left Digital Underground.

That adds up to as much as $700,000 of drugs.

+1

The radio station, realizing Hurd will likely be purged from the league, found it fitting to follow up the news with this as their next track selection.

What? It was simply a tribute to his favorite film, Spınal Tap.

Upon the release of this story, Bernie Fine's phone was flooded with calls from married men all over the country asking him how he did it.

Ha!

Ha!