Wait, you're telling me that prison is actually horrifying and degrading, and not a chance for outside observers to vicariously revel in the crazy shenanigans of a bunch of rag-tag lesbians and hastily assembled racial stereotypes? Jenji Kohan you have misled me again!!

It's an ILLUMINATI CRACK-SPIRACY!!

Is not having Facebook the mark of hipsterdom now? That's kind of a relief, actually. I remember after Aurora and Sandy Hook a whole host of articles deeming anyone without a Facebook profile a WEIRDO LONER AND POTENTIAL SERIAL KILLER. I'll take "smug trend-setter" over "possible murderer" any day.

Thanks. The friend that instigated it set my alarm for me before leaving, because at the time I was on graveyard shifts and used to sleeping until mid-afternoon. When my alarm woke me, I was still marginally drunk but had such a strong feeling of being late for something that I rushed across the street and started…

I might agree, but criminals tend to at least have an overarching goal. This was just nihilism masquerading as custard and chocolate.

A friend once brought a 9" round boston creme cake to a party I was throwing. When it wound up uneaten at the end of the night, she bet a drunken me that I couldn't wake up at 7 the next morning, meet her at the coffee shop across the street, and finish the whole thing in an hour. I took that bet. My hangover the…

I was going to do a Google image search to disprove this idea, as Flannery O'Connor is probably the most well-respected female author I can think of, and no one would describe her as conventionally attractive. But as I was entering "female aut.." into the search bar, Google autocomplete suggests "autobot" before "auth…

It reminds me of the FOX News anchor that was arrested drunk off his ass at noon here at the MSP airport. His excuse was that he had started drinking at 9 in the morning. Which might be understandable if this was, you know, evening. As it was, he was saying the equivalent of someone fall-down drunk at 10pm saying,…

The drunkest I've ever been, that I have a BAC reading for, was around .28. I'll give this guy the benefit of the doubt, and assume his dove-light-weight could hit .15 before puking. Assuming the human body metabolizes alcohol at a rate of .01(+/-)%/hour, he would've had to have been asleep for 8 hours before the…

Oh, I don't disagree with the fact he shouldn't have been on the road, but if you look at the charges, they only got him on a "public intoxication" charge. He wasn't even drunk enough for a proper DWI charge.

Maybe this says more about my own relationship to alcohol, but am I wrong in thinking the most embarrassing thing about this is throwing up with a BAC of .07? That's like, 3 drinks. I suppose if he had actually been asleep in his car for a few hours, it could have metabolized, but that's still a ridiculously low…

Jeez, you're worked up. You sounds like you could use a cigarette

I wonder if all the notes they were having slid under his door were just quizzes titled "What 1990s-Era Pedophile Are You?"

I had kinda the same thing.. when I was a kid I thought Stegosauruses were the coolest thing ever. Then they killed my grandmother.

A snow globe rolls from the hand of a dying man. As it crashes to the floor, a solitary word is uttered.. "Rosebud..."

That's ironic considering that NBC is rolling out a new cop-buddy show this fall titled "Blowie and the Beej."

Holy shit - Can you imagine a round of Match Game '75 broadcast like that? Just a broken string of conjunctions and bleeps and campy mugging. I might have to fire up the video editor..

Clearly you never saw the sequel to Patch Adams, wherein Robin Williams opens a women's health center and begins performing medically necessary late-term abortions while wearing a bright red clown nose.

Ok, I give up. If you watch video of a comedian telling a joke that goes "that kid should have been [bleep]" and that same comedian follows up with a tweet saying "hey, don't get upset and think I said 'aborted', I actually said 'hummer'" and your response is to think "I bet she said 'aborted'" I'm just not sure we…

I'm not sure its really a reach. There's video evidence of the joke being said, followed by a direct source quote by the person who said it, coupled with anecdotal evidence that the same joke has been circulating in the culture for years. Here's an urban dictionary definition on the phrase from 2006. Why is it more…