That’s why I occasionally drive by and throw trash in the yard of the guy who works the night-shift at my corner gas station. “Fuck you, Roger! Why my gas and smokes still so spendy?”

One thing most biblical scholars agree on, and something The Passion of the Christ only included in the DVD outtakes, was the full text of Jesus’s moment of doubt upon the Cross. Translated from the original Aramaic, Jesus actually cried out “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? I’m actually a really good…

Hate to break this to you, but you're eating deer shit.

But check out this Vine I made. 6 seconds of effort should just about solve this racism thing right?

Well what's the point of maintaining 4 separate social media accounts if I can't use them to constantly bombard everyone I know with how special I am? You want me to be good just for the sake of it? With no selfies or hashtags even?

My wife and I had our wedding ceremony at 1 p.m. We tapped the keg at 11:45 a.m., and had to set down our beer glasses on the nearby steps before walking down the aisle. Luckily the ceremony itself was under 5 minutes, so our beers didn't get warm in the interim.

Now I think it's important that she let's everyone know what side she comes down on in the "breast v. bottle" debate in re: nurturing dogs.

"You may not have a child come out of your vagina, but that doesn't mean you aren't mothering—dogs, friends, friends' children."

"We are not racist at all and serve anyone."

You can get around it, and you are likely better off.

And whatever you do, if it's getting down to sexy times, do not refer to it as "STAFF MEMBER." That's just a meeting with H.R. waiting to happen..

"I'm a cooter, I'm a pooter, I'm a 3-bean shooter... I get my penis on the run"

I confess, I count myself in the ranks of the olds. My first reaction to this was "youtube star, psshh" followed quickly by "3 point how many million followers?!"

I think it's a real sign of progress in this country that the knee-jerk reaction to this story from old people is no longer going to be focused around casual homophobia, but confusion at that fact that being a "youtube star" is a thing.

Lipstick-Gs move in silence, like lasagna.

Well that would certainly explain the general American public's perception of Japanese people as slovenly, morbidly obese, lay-abouts, too concerned with stuffing their over-sized maws with fatty fried foods, instead of choosing to partake in the typical American diet of a simple starch and sensible portions of fresh…

Last time I asked around, mushrooms were running $30 for just an eighth of an ounce..

Are you sure that your own diet is properly formulated and balanced? Because based on the ridiculous amount of inane posts you've made on this one article, something you've been eating has given you verbal diarrhea.

Homer's barbershop quartet would've been a lot more dope with beats from Terminator X.

Are those 2 ingredients the extent of the recipe? Is the recipe to just dip Doritos into a cold can of cream of mushroom soup??