My outer adult can shut the fuck up.

A Patriots fan in denial?

Ranch isn't even a fucking dip. It's a dressing living a lie.

Inside a typical, non-descript industrial park, inside a typical, non-descript building, there is a basement. In this basement, there is a room that is usually locked. Outside this room there is a security guard, who is usually breathing and does not usually contain a .38 caliber size hole in his forehead. Inside the…

Why did the spreadsheet cross the road?

TO CHECK COLUMN 16, ROW M!

Thank you, and good night.

Otherwise known as "The Only Good Nazi"

You better move along, hunter guy. This bear is not playing games.

You know how touchy the micks can get.

I'll have me some of them french fried taters, MMM...HHMMM.

"How'd he get back up?"

I'm not sure what he was mad about, but seeing him react with such emotion after a sporting event has caused a lot of his fans to tweet him messages of support, where they refer to him by his nickname, the "Knegger".

I also have a 10 centimeter scar and a pronounced limp, but that's only because I didn't see the mohel until I was 36.

"Yeah, we're all Broncos fans now."
-America post-Richard Sherman interview

This is gonna be super on point when Belichick shoots Wes Welker with a crossbow after the game.

For me, driving through Hartford does not include stopping. Do not ever stop your car in Hartford. In fact, drive faster until you are somewhere else. That somewhere else should preferably be in a state that is also not Connecticut.

If we're going just by the frequency and timing with which he uses it, I'm guessing that "Omaha" usually means, "Yes, in exchange for payment, I will endorse that."

"I saw, I conquered." - P. Manning

When asked what the secret to his success was, Marshawn placed a hand in his pocket and reached for a pack of Skittles before promptly being gunned down.

Good luck with that bike, sarge...

Rodgers repeated "really" as part of State Farm's new Discount Double Chick campaign.