“... staring off at things that aren’t really there ...”

I bet The Slippery Slope would make a pretty good name for a winter game themed gay bar.

Giselle, 2012: “My husband cannot fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time.”

I drink his tears. But only because they’re perfectly pH balanced to my body’s chakra and infused with minerals and a lemon flavor.

Hopefully people read the entire article because there’s an all time simmons paragraph where he compares the people in the Patriots scandal to the characters in Almost Famous, which sounds like something you would make up if you were trying to parody a simmons article.

• RIDING HIS HORSE WHEN HE FELL OFF AND WAS STEPPED ON BY HORSE ON PENIS

“SWALLOWED A PEN BECAUSE NO ONE PAID ATTENTION TO HIM”

I’m more interested in his Value Over Replacement Dad ranking, as I think that’s a more accurate measurement.

+1 you’re with me, weather

This is quite a shock, since there has been virtually no substance at ESPN for many years now.

Just take the W, man. Just take it.

Working on it

Now all we need is the article on all the things people shoved up their asses this year and 2017 will be complete!

It’s no longer about a couple committing to being a team for life, and making this intention clear to their friends, family and community.

Yeah only on planet FUCK THIS WEED IS STRONG is Litter Caesar’s a preferred dinner choice over Pizza Hut.

Bledsoe may hate it there, but at least it’s a dry hate.

if Bois/Ufford/Hall/Brisbee/Ziller/Connelly somehow figured out how to ditch SBN, I’d follow them wherever.

Thank god ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER is still anonymous. Last I heard, he was going to the dentist drunk.

In the immortal words of Dennis Green, Vice is who we thought they are.

For the record, you should never do stuff like this for someone you aren't currently dating. So: not for crushes, not for exes you're trying to win back, and not for people you've just started dating either.

Otherwise it just sorta screams "I'm creepily obsessed with you and have no sense of personal boundaries."