You forgot curling, dick.

The more you know!

"In 9 years doing the Red Zone Channel @DIRECTV , I've never had more people complain that it was unsettling when we would come back abruptly from a game to a straight-on shot of me."

Why the hell is this even news? It's 2013, for crying out loud.

"...or I will murder your families"

That's what it used to look like when I'd switch to the wrong player on defense in NBA 2K.

Meanwhile, the other Jonathan Martin is getting a bunch of Tweets from ignoramuses threatening to "kern the fuck out of his fucking typeface"....

Now THAT is how you stiff-arm a Shark.

Gotcha. The backlash is deserved as well as embarrassing. Have a good night everybody, I need to put the computer down as I have learned it is very hard to dig in an upwards fashion.

Eh, that's good enough.

I was uninformed on Marshall's issues and after multiple comments have learned he has dealt with his issues in a far superior manner than Incognito. I'm not afraid to say I was wrong, and I think Marshall makes a good point here. My judgment was misplaced.

Goddamn pussies keep ruining football.

Real men will find this incredibly hurtful due to the absence of a "no offense" qualifier.

"There's plenty more, but I can't really stand to transcribe any more of it."

Cleeland was clubbed in the face by a sock filled with coins, coins that free-agent linebacker Andre Royal had spent all day collecting from teammates.

"I am going to flick her without a condom and cook in her condo."

"Wait, Captain Terrell, I just reeemembered someting. Eef thees ees Ceti Alpha system, when I was on the Enterprise, Captain Kirk stranded a wessel called Botany Bay somewhere around here, so eet's no good for Project Genesis. You don't want to meet the captain of Botany Bay. We should beam back up to Weliant and…

Odin: Thor, you shouldn't attack the Frost Giants because your brother is one. Loki, though it may seem like I lied to you, I love and value you, and your actual father would have eaten you.

Maybe I should let more than one person carry the message to Romeo that my death is faked.

You don't think Frederick Douglas was talking about Trent Richardson being inconsistent on short yardage?