You forgot curling, dick.

The more you know!

"In 9 years doing the Red Zone Channel @DIRECTV , I've never had more people complain that it was unsettling when we would come back abruptly from a game to a straight-on shot of me."

Why the hell is this even news? It's 2013, for crying out loud.

"...or I will murder your families"

That's what it used to look like when I'd switch to the wrong player on defense in NBA 2K.

Meanwhile, the other Jonathan Martin is getting a bunch of Tweets from ignoramuses threatening to "kern the fuck out of his fucking typeface"....

Now THAT is how you stiff-arm a Shark.

Gotcha. The backlash is deserved as well as embarrassing. Have a good night everybody, I need to put the computer down as I have learned it is very hard to dig in an upwards fashion.

Eh, that's good enough.

I was uninformed on Marshall's issues and after multiple comments have learned he has dealt with his issues in a far superior manner than Incognito. I'm not afraid to say I was wrong, and I think Marshall makes a good point here. My judgment was misplaced.

Goddamn pussies keep ruining football.

Real men will find this incredibly hurtful due to the absence of a "no offense" qualifier.

"There's plenty more, but I can't really stand to transcribe any more of it."

Cleeland was clubbed in the face by a sock filled with coins, coins that free-agent linebacker Andre Royal had spent all day collecting from teammates.

"I am going to flick her without a condom and cook in her condo."

Lil Birdman

Commenter Dan raised the possibility that the Nelson Mandela quote we had trouble placing is actually a bastardization of a line from Star Trek: The Next Generation in 1988. Tim Burke tracked it down, and well...

Next up: Let's Talk About What Should Constitute Male Tights

You don't think Frederick Douglas was talking about Trent Richardson being inconsistent on short yardage?