It always fascinates me who people choose to give the benefit of the doubt to. I notice you didn't say a word about what the other person might have been going through - maybe she suffers from migraines and was unable to function with a screaming child in her vicinity, maybe she was wearing a hearing aid and the…

God as my witness, if I ever win the lottery I will take a job at a restaurant just so I can tell these shithead types to fuck off and then quit in a blaze of glory telling these fucksticks to get fucked.

Oh come on, Asian people are always with the "Hey, my ching chong, what's up?!" Why can't non-Asian people say it?

Nothing makes me want to friendzone a guy more than a guy complaining about being friendzoned. Also, it's too bad a fedora isn't included in that list of things to buy

you are 100% failing at brunch.

All the stars to this. All of them. <3

i wanna flip like 500 tables about that last one. WOW THO.

As a nurse, I face much more deadly (at least in terms of # of deaths) and contagious diseases every.single.day. Flu, MRSA, VRE, C.Diff, Tuberculosis, Measles, Disseminated Herpes Zoster. Heck, I even had a patient with an unknown intestinal parasite from a third-world country. We had to put his poop in biohazard bags…

I think it's okay to have a preference for dicks that are not small and further I don't really give a rat's what your penis thinks about small boobs or the fact that this was posted on Jez and there is no counterpart about gaping vaginas. Women are told by everyone and their mother both directly and indirectly that…

Domesticating the dog is probably one of the best ideas (intentional or not) our species has ever had.

Dog Pork: the worst Night Vale erotica.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I despise sugar, so I prefer mine with vinegar. To each her own!

I like to think Elaine Stritch answered the knock at the Pearly Gates and that they're both sitting having vodka on the rocks, talking shit about everyone.

The only reason I thought it was an okay joke to make is that my dad's dad was a Holocaust survivor who used to use his tattoo as his lottery number. Swear to God. He had a DARK sense of humor.

People are such disasterbators that there are probably some who wish it would come here so they could say, "OMG, my mom's cousin's neighbor's friend's son's coach's daughter's brother-in-law's niece died from that!"

or if you're worried about something happening if you look out the window, just don't open the door. Say "I'm going to call the police (to help you or arrest you depending on the situation)." Shooting through a door into the unknown is never going to be the right option.

I realized when I was 15 how incredibly racist and bigoted my extended family is. To the point that I feel as though I am violating my own sense of morality and my own responsibility to the world by associating with them. So when I turned 18 I cut them out of my life. I get questions from people being like oh but…