Incidentally, in the state of New York you have to sign a paper promising you won’t shake your baby before you leave the hospital. It’s good, because it’s part of a larger program to educate parents that shaking a baby can be harmful or deadly, and simple advice to help parents calm themselves down to keep them and…

This is going to be devastating news for his family when they sober up in 3 days.

Seriously, Deadspin, before all the snark pours in, for stories like this you should be noting the suicide prevention hotline number and other relevant resources.

Damn, to think if he had seen the way Buffalo played yesterday his depression would’ve subsided until at least early October.

I was in third grade lol OLDS

Kumail, I would stare at you because you’re famous, hilarious, and v. v. attractive. Apologies to your equally awesome wife.

I thought we had moved past this tongue shit.

Stop watching. It’s liberating. The game time is mostly filled with inaction and penalties anyway.

My wonder at this point is if we will get through a single NFL game this year without a stupid, contrived mini-controversy to keep everyone consistently talking about the fucking NFL. Trying to enjoy this league is such a chore.

OMG OMG LINDY! Yes, nails it.

I rarely say this about people. But she deserves all the bad karma that is heading her way right now. That video was so mean and vicious, it actually made me cry. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. And like so many women with the disease, I struggle with my weight. It’s like I woke up in a different body. I went from…

How edgy to make fun of people everyone already makes fun of. Kudos, brave comedian! So smart, such a uniting force! Bravo!

Not to take away from the story, but why does she imitate the exact way that Jenna Marbles talks? That’s very weird. Also, she’s awful.

Being a honky fuck who jizzes his Jordaches over what is “urban” and “breaking the law” sounds like a very internet commenter thing to do. And don’t stop there-you are only irked by these “criminals” because they are black, and are, in your eyes, “getting away with it.”

I should probably admit right now that I am fat myself. I’m barely 5′1″ and 135 pounds and wear a size 6 and a 34DD

I’m sad, too. And I don’t think you feel sad for “some reason,” I think you feel sad because you feel empathy, sympathy, or both.

Agreed. I think zoos are very fun in general-but you look into a Gorilla’s eyes and know that not only do they see you/recognize that you’re like them but they understand that you’re outside while they’re caged. I totally get that it’s a complicated issue-they’re endangered and I know most zoos (at least in all the…

FREE JELANI!!!!!

At first I thought HOW CUTE. THE GORILLA LIKES CELL PHONE PICS LIKE HE’S A PEOPLE!

The lyric “boom boom boom, brighter than the moon moon moon” really speaks to me on an emotional level.