Shit-tons of cocaine!

“It is like being screamed at by thousands of people,”

(to test if it’s his semen specifically), which should be absolutely no comfort to anyone.

Iggy Pop?

The sex festival was just trying to protect the villagers from the snakes...

Well, what do you expect from someone so self-loathing he literally white-washed his own official portrait?

In unrelated news, the New England Patriots just hired every lawyer in Massachusetts.

Good ‘ol Radiation King...

Are there any stores about Chuckles that _aren’t_ about him acting immorally or illegally? He’s a failure as a journalist, a failure as a man, and a failure as a human being.

Ah, don’t sweat it. We’ll just hire a dark-skinned guy to sit in the audience at the first primary debate and yell “BOO!” in the middle of it. Lin-Lin will shit his pants, run off to a bunker, and we won’t have to worry about him again for at least 8 months.

Under the heading of “burying the lede”...

Did they get Liefeld for this? That’s not what a human body looks like...

Incorrect. Doctors might not lie to you but these are not doctors - they are doctors’ _associates_. _I_ have associates that are doctors, of both the medical and philosophical variety; would you trust _me_ to make you food? You are a fool. I will kill you with spoiled meat and vegetables that still have tropical…

This may be heartless, but as the parent of a couple of teenagers, and someone genuinely worried about the world they’re going to inherit, I think it’s a good thing that this guy & the rest of his generation are finally dying off.

Ah, but was she impregnated by your future “first” husband?

Ah, but who is the mother?

By “slower” you mean “refusing to”, right? Because that’s pretty much always how it’s been & still is...

We’ve known they don’t give a shit for a long time. It’s still depressing to see how little of a shit the actual people of Kansas give too tho.

This is the face of a man looking for a solid deuce.

LOOK AT ALL THE FUCKS I DO NOT GIVE