In the inimitable words of Cedric,

Ah, it's just another sequel. Wall Street hasn't had any original ideas since 1929...

IANAL, but I've had enough biz law to feel strongly that a non-compete that broadly written, and applying to that many employees who (I figure) demonstrably have no knowledge of actual "trade secrets"is utter bullshit. Like, beyond unenforceable and into the realm of potentially actionable & in violation of labor laws…

It's a lovely video, but I can't pronounce a single word in that headline. I think I sprained something just trying to sound it out...

<i>since Stevie Wonder once came over and playfully strangled him at a party once</i>

<i>In other words, he's the perfect kind of B-list (C-list?) athlete</i>

And here's another question... even beyond why they didn't just _land_ the frigging plane in the first place, are they suggesting the airport in question had _zero_ airplanes that were currently ON THE GROUND when this happened? That EVERY SINGLE PLANE IN THE WORLD was currently flying at that particular moment?

And placed at the _end_ of a runway, instead of the middle, where it should get hit by planes on a daily basis...

I appreciate the position news organizations are put in by this, but I have one suggestion to offer... How would your paper print a story about, say, a team called"The N*ggers"? Or a company called "F*ggots, Inc"? If you already have a policy for situations like that, use the same standard for the R*dskins.

So, just to summarize:

<i>I have no idea what the actual solution is here.</i>

Neil O'Donnell would like to you to consider having fries with that.

What's the over-under on some Auburn fan getting caught trying to shove a handful of broken glass into into his pie?

Professor! I haff found ze answer! He is ein scheisskopf!

Brock Samson approves.

Hope you hadn't planned on taking any of these on an airplane...

It involves men having sex with men like wolves. And it often leads to male pregnancy, which leads to male delivery. And the people giving birth to feces-covered babies are often members of One Direction.

That explains why Nick Cage is always hiding under his bed...

It's the tie. All that pizazz, _and_ a stylin' tie on top. You can't beat that.

Really, can you design me something that points _all_ attention towards my crotch? I'm going to be shoving it in another guy's face for the next 45 minutes, and I need an icebreaker.