but I thought we must never assign blame to a victim, and therefore we should spend our time trying to blame someone else.

Cincinnati fans already throw hats on the field every time Joey Votto draws 3 walks in a game.

Do you know what Brokeback Mountain has in common with the NFL?

Tacos are solid, but soft-shell corn tortillas can fuck right off. They are the aspartame of food.

Controversial opinion: Chipotle sucks and so do burritos.

The weird thing is, if the Yankees had shown just a little professionalism themselves, they probably wouldn’t have lost 15-1.

The scammer needs a punch in the throat just for using the phrase “easy as pie” with such a bullshit complicated order.

Maloney insisted “I heard it both ways.”

Ironically, that fake fingernail was probably the least gross thing in that plate of Taco Hell nachos...

To be fair, the Milkshake machine SHOULD have been ready by the time the store opens, but that’s not at all a reason for the woman to act that way. It’s a fucking milkshake. Must’ve been a terrible terrible period that morning.

You don’t even have your generation names right.

This! Our office was open on Memorial Day and whoever worked, got paid overtime. One girl was scheduled to be off but was given the choice to work if she wanted. She had already made plans that day so she said she’d take the day off but was upset that she wasn’t going to be paid. She literally said “I don’t think it’s…

Always interesting to see how this story will play out across the media landscape. Here are my bets.

Oh hell no, that thing is awesome.

San Diego is Cindy Brady. Cute and fucking worthless.

I feel like Lambert’s Café needs to change its name to "Ow Bon Pain" after this incident.

I’m a lifelong Chargers fan and all I have to say is “Fuck you, Spanos.” America's Finest City doesn't need football. We have, well, everything else.

Know how I know this didn’t happen in Florida?

The boy asked, “Why, when I needed you most, was there only one set of footprints in the sand?” And Jesus replied, “Because all the other infielders were in the dugout, jerking off.”