If you're picturing a dude while looking at that, you probably need to reevaluate some things in your life.

Alex Rodriguez: [gets in car]

He could tell the guy was a new 49ers fan because of his 'I still call it 3com' t-shirt.

I agree with pretty much everything you say here.

Florida: Decency

Florida : Temperate Sanity

HOW DO I LOOK IN THESE??!!

Williams could not taste anything ... his mother, Ozepher Fluker, said, so she advised him to go to the hospital

Ecstasy is performance enhancing if playing defensive end involved glow sticks and getting back rubs from other dudes.

Go Redskins!

This just in: Ted Williams is a head on the early Deadspin ballot.

Drew Magary: [tries to have sex with cucumber]

YES! I mean, if the goal is to take away votes from a bitter, overly homogeneous group of mostly middle aged white men, then the obvious solution is to TAKE that vote and give it to...wait, what?

What about the ratatouille in Ratatouille? I wanna know what it tastes like.

Uh, oh man... I'm not up on any WNBA players...

This Is A Bear In A Lambeaukini

To make perfectly clear, the one softly saying, "Yeah Jeets" was Alex Rodriquez watching from the closet.

Wow, I wish I'd thought of that before making a joke with that exact thing as the unstated punchline.