*realizes Messi is 27 years old*

*looks at 28 year old self in bathroom mirror*

*blueprints suicide while in bathroom*

I wanted to say that this author was butthurt. But I realized it was Drew Magary, and this author is just butt.

If they can make Mario Kart 8 tracks that gorgeous and go upside half the time, they sure as hell can handle some F-Zero.

PUHLEEEEAASE

"Florida Man accidentally shoots man in the head when squeezing the trigger."

I want to get paid to screen grab comments and comment on them.

I was too young to really remember Tony Gwynn. I was an on again off again Orioles fan, so they hardly ever played the Padres, let alone a time when I paid attention.

I really only ever heard mention of him on TWIB or a VHS box set including "Best Plays" that had Tony Gwynn doing a segment about what makes an amazing…

That's a stirring compilation of a lot of Americans pretending to care about soccer to leave work early.

It was cool to see. But that was some serious traveling.

Moments like this are why I can't get into soccer/european football, etc.

Diving on the ground and faking injuries affect the entire outcome of games sometimes. That's just fucking stupid.

You didn't mention Qdoba queso, hence this whole debate is invalid.

Shots fired. Mic dropped.

And that's sad. Games used to offer 50-60+ hours and keep someone invested for half a year at least. Now it's just enough to be the #1 most talked about game for a month or so until another company's multi-million dollar game project comes out and people wait in line at midnight for the fifth time that year.

Then, once you get it, you'll play through it's 12-20 hours of single player, mess around with the multiplayer for a few weeks, and then realized you just spent $60 to enjoy your Xbox One for a month.

Too many blockbusters, never enough inventive stuff anymore.

(and before anyone says this is inventive, it has a feel…

I work at a sports company, full of framed jerseys and bobbleheads. But I've had at least 4 or 5 jock-types compliment me on the Dalek on my desk.

There's hope out there, friends.

20 years from now, that kid will begin a microbrewery and call it the Balding Chicagoan. And that man will drink for free.

The circle of life.

Hearing Vin Scully speak over "Turn Down For What" when Justin Turner came up to bat is one of the oddest amalgamations of sound I've ever heard.

But I could listen to Vin Scully riff on a topic forever. There needs to be an app for that.

Family Guy got lazy when it had 50% of every show written by an internet meme stretched out to 5 or 10 minutes.

He's gonna put the moves on her tonight, and she's gonna use the bat instead.

Amazing article Adam. Seeing you and Kate and then you and Morgan on TV during my college years is something I still get nostalgic about when I catch an old clip online.

Glad to see you're doing well.