Shake Shack is just a shitty ripoff of Culver's without cheese curds and that's why I stab people at Shake Shack.

A floopster is what I call it when I get so drunk that I can't sustain anything more than a 2/3 erection. So no, that does not look like a floopster, but it is similarly sad.

+1 large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Great article.

Oh, shut up, Plaxico. The only person you could ever shoot was yourself.

What's even more impressive is that he did it to help that Juggs machine earn his first career no-hitter.

The last time the Israelites made the Greeks this bad, we got a second-rate version of Christmas.

As is my dog's liver.

Well I look like a scrub. Apologies all.

That was so awesome, I'm not even going to make a sexist joke. God bless you, Abby Wambach. You've done what years of HR-mandated sensitivity training never could.

God damn that was so awesome, I'm not even going to make a sexist joke. God bless you Abby Wambach, you've done what years of HR-mandated sensitivity training never could.

No thanks, I heard Rush Limbaugh discuss Obama this morning and I'm sure it's the same basic thing.

That's good work.

Yes, but they never get called for a hand ball, seeing as the Dutch took all of theirs several years back.

"Charles was a good guy, who liked sports, and we're still thanking him today"

Losing on an intentional Salk? Polio.

You people are so ignorant that you can't even tell the difference between a Chinese person and a Korean person. That was actually Kim Jong-Il personally leading the charge in the most devastating military campaign the world will ever know.

We had a Karl Malone measure your height poster at the door of our apartment. It said I was a full six feet tall and he served as the patron saint of our house.

Welcome, Tom. If you're interested, all the starred commenters participate in a fight club on Tuesday nights. It's pretty cool. Afterwards, we usually head over to this bar called McGonagall's where we huff paint in the back alley.

That's bullshit. The Supreme Court already established in the case of Employment Division v. Smith that I can smoke peyote as dictated by my religion. Wait, what site is this? Also, could somebody please help me as I'm trapped on top of a vending machine surrounded by very angry and well dressed weasels.

And like all uppity cows in Kansas City, his punishment was to be smoked and served in an abundance of ketchupy sauce.