I haven't seen an elbow thrown that weakly at an usher since the last time Justin Bieber tried to get out of super special cuddle time.

I would hardly call Andy Rooney the Prettiest Girl Of All Time.

the Poynter Institute for Self-Serious Hand-Wringing and Otherwise Wasting Everyone's Damn Time

Always good to see that ball safely Nestléd in the back of the net.

THAT SHOT WAS ALP-RAGEOUS!

A Gloria fucking with a parking valet in South Beach? Bitch is trying to replace me.

It's not like AJ wants to turn this site into Deadsponkette and declare his love of abortions.

I like that Canada has kids playing hockey as the image on their 5 dollar bill. It's so Canadian. I bet the 20 has a picture of a plaid-clad lumberjack pouring maple syrup on his breakfast.

Also successful on 12 out of every 64 attempts? Infant survival rates for Puritans.

I've heard he also created a kung-fu and kama sutra hybrid martial art that is as deadly as it is erotic.

Look at that picture, the man's clearly pregnant. And pregnant people deserve to have nice things said about them.

Even the police couldn't identify number four when they found him after he passed out in that forest fire.

Who wouldn't want to own a muffin pan owned by Cy Young?

Yes that's good. Massage the balls.

If the president has time to fill out a bracket, why doesn't he have time to fix all of America's problems? Or find that damn birth certificate?

Debate team? Nerd.

The idea behind the university giving them what they've rightfully earned is to give them a cut of the revenue they generate for the school, has nothing to do with education. If a group of workers generates billions in revenue and is compensated in the tens of thousands (a generous estimate of what it actually costs…

Fair point. I would say I don't see why a soccer player can't get a full ride while a football player can't get something more to reflect his greater revenue generation. I'd be willing to bet there's enough money for both those things to happen.

Depends on how you look at it. Is it fair that both get the same scholarship when it's basically the football player who earned the money for the two of them? Playing devil's advocate here, but don't all the bribes and recruiting scandals, which only occur with football and basketball, indicate that football players…

Those kids are smarter. They get to make money off their intelligence later in life because their intelligence is their outstanding skill, or average skill or whatever. These kids' mostly do one thing well enough to generate a decent amount of money and that's play ball. They are entitled to the proceeds that comes…