DUAN:

Is Alpha Dog fair? I saw it for the first time this weekend, 3 friends say it's awesome including 2 saying it was their favorite movie ever. Holy shit was it garbage. I looked up the reviews to see if my friends were just retarded about movies (possible) and it got mixed to positive reviews. I don't see how anybody…

Roger Goodell, clearly suffering from some serious delirium tremens type reaction to the NFL's current labor situation, has announced a fine of 400,000 shekels for Van Gundy's "insolence" before donning a vintage pickelhaube and then charging headfirst into a passing pedestrian.

one player who — complete with throat-slashing gesture — jumped the gun on decertification.

Later that evening, Stu Scott would sneak in to Lisa's dressing room and suck the beer from the damp butt region of the soiled pants.

Have a Cigar. +1

Cry! You stupid fucking dinosaur! Cry!

That it's not kosher.

That's the kind of atrocity you can expect to get when you ask for some Sonny D.

Also, Jerry Jones made a personal request that DeMaurice Smith bring him a shrubbery, then cut down the tallest tree in the forest with a herring.

Yes but Snyder did finish first in mental gymnastics and posted a record high in the leap of logic.

You know who else finished a night with a 21 and 9? Mark Chmura.

Reminds me of the time I put on cleats and kicked the crap out of those Owl City pussies on stage during one of their concerts. I've never heard such applause.

Or maybe it was a bassoon, I haven't done anything with music since 5th grade.

/Ominous oboe sounds.

I'm sure this has probably already explained, but where and how in the fuck did Dan Snyder make his money? From everything I've seen, this man just takes enormous quantities of money and finds new and creative ways to burn all of it.

I'd give them my credit card and they'd go 'Dan Snyder? You're not Dan Snyder?' Then they'd unload on me with whatever they hated about what was going on with the Redskins.

I preferred his performance as Petri, the slow yet lovable pterodactyl, in The Land Before Time

(redacted)

Redacted on the grounds that it has been done.