@OnTheTwelfthNightOfLloydChrist...: I can't see Obama or Ford in there. Ford because of the Simpsons episode he was in and Obama because he's just not ruthless enough. I say Nixon makes it by making and breaking alliances, Washington, Jackson, Eisenhower, Teddy and Grant.

@NeVeRMoRe666: I have a question. People on this site frequently refer to me as Tom. I realize it's a somewhat obscure sports reference, but is it common for people to go by their actual name on here? Because we choose to hide our identities on deadspin. I'll let you figure out why.

@Smokey Tornado: Andrew Jackson, without hesitation. When someone says that they only have two regrets from their time as president, and those two regrets are not shooting your political rival and not hanging your vice president, I think that makes you the favorite.

@StewiesGoodEye: On TV during the big climax to Snakes on a Plane, Samuel Jackson yells "Get these monday-friday snakes off this monday-friday plane!"

@AirBratz23: I think he was just trying to get the guys arm out of his chest and didn't even realize it was a ref.

@NeVeRMoRe666: But were they football players for Notre Dame?

@yumpopink: I agree and don't know why it wasn't, but it is possible this was said by a friend who was thinking realistically about how the situation would turn out. There could be a context in which it wasn't a threat and with texts, it's very hard to prove tone. The worst thing is, the texter appears to be right.

"If i listened to negative, confused people like you I would not have passed the 3rd grade,"

Ray Lewis needs his arms when he tries to stay warm for... not stabbing people.

This would be the worst Jezebel cross-post ever. Make it happen, Daulerio!

Baron should just ignore Sterling because it won't be much longer that he has to play for him. You can tell by the photo that Donald's already starting to turn back into a pumpkin.

@NUhuskeroos: I dunno, but that's a truly horrendous mental image.

Brett Favre's Streak Is Impressive, But Most People Here Still Have A Larger Penis Than Him

@The_Night_Man_Cometh: Superman has been trying to get an invite for years, but the panel refuses to associate with men composed of amalgamations.

@WashingtonForeskins: Do people hear my posts in Tom Gugliotta's voice? Has anyone ever heard him talk?

@Armen Tamzarian: channelsurfing.net

@FavreFAIL: They should settle this like real Boston men: With a twisted tea drink off, followed by competitive karaoke renditions of their favorite new metal songs.

Somewhere, Sean Salisbury is laughing maniacally that no one will ever say a bad word about him ever again. Or at a Jew joke he made. It could be either.

Is this why Phintastic Peninsula now only consists of ads trying to increase the size of my penis?

This porn was about as unexpected as the penis that comes in every box of big sausage pizza.