@Derek Jeter's Taco Hole: Sorry if that came off as directed at you. I was referring to Luke Scott waxing nostalgic for an era he never lived in. One that includes the Great Depression, no less. My point was that anyone who talks about needing to get back to a simpler time that they never lived in is a jackass.

@Whicked Handel: Christmas trees are like my last girlfriend.

@The_International_Poise_Conspi...: Good to be back. If there's one thing I've learned during my absence, it's not to double major in biology and economics.

@Derek Jeter's Taco Hole: I like when 20-somethings talk about what life was like 50-80 years ago. It's how you know someone has no clue what the fuck they're talking about and should not be listened to.

@J-No: Gotta keep your whites their whitest.

A tea party convention is just a klan rally on laundry day.

@DM: If we're going to nitpick, there are several mutually unintelligible languages that get called Chinese. She could be speaking in a Shanghai dialect, where you probably wouldn't understand her even if you spoke both Mandarin and Cantonese. This is why nitpicking isn't really fun and most people just assume…

Did you ever attempt to hit on any of the writers for Jezebel? If so, how'd it work out for you?

@zenneth: I've never heard of Cortland Finnegan being anything but a genuine son of a bitch, on or off the field. Care to share a story?

@ToddReesingsTurfFacial: "Look out Itchy, an Irishman!"

You held back Magary. There is hate here, but not the insane, unreasonable hate that I've come to expect.

I recognize Spy Hard was probably terrible, but I loved it as a kid:

@Sheed's Bald Spot: Did you just quote the tagline from Nightmare on Elm Street?

Blake Griffin is Der Übermensch

@Lionel Osbourne: Business as usual at the University Where Fun Goes to Die.

@istealllamas: See that's what I told the police when I jumped that guy at the mall. Sucker-punches are cool as long as the guy is bigger than you are!

Dear CBS,

Lou Holtz is just a meaner, older Stevie Janowski.

@Forte_Oz._To_Freedom: Hey, you name me another center in the NFC. I only know three centers: Kreutz, Saturday, and Mawae, and Mawae was blackballed for being the head of the player's union.