...choked while being fucked in that ass that he owns.

It doesn't help matters that they've conceded they're blowing up the team over the winter.

Even Tim Tebow thinks this guy should have been aborted.

@UkraineNotWeak: As someone who is fairly certain they are possessed with the soul of Martin Luther King Jr.'s first cousin Richard, I can tell you that you are correct.

Ed Hochuli is a fucking terrible official. Game is completely out of control and he's blowing calls left and right. Also, I hope Jared Allen's three-story luxury trailer burns down.

I spent the last 3 minutes in a staring contest with the bottom picture and I'm fairly certain they blinked first.

Pictured: Sarah Palin telling former Ranger Scott Gomez to go back to his country.

Pictured: Howard Dean giving an impassioned speech on why he supports increasingly arbitrary and subjective rules to be meted out by a group of officials that has already proven to be vastly incompetent. BYEAAH!

@RiddlerStrikesAgain: I went back to my thread that got hashtagged with #ick to gloat. It got moved there because I made the point that while sexual harassment is wrong, I wouldn't get on my soapbox for her because she's a bimbo and not a real reporter. A point that turned out to be exactly correct.

@RiddlerStrikesAgain: As someone who decided to make the point that Inez Sainz wasn't anything more than a low cut top holding a mic and received a fucking load of what an awful misogynist I was, I was planning on going over there and gloating. But I guess the cunts swept it under the rug.

@President Camacho: Thierry Henry is just one of the 10 things I hate about France.

@UweBollocks: Jeremy Green?

@President Camacho: In a related story, a shockingly firm erection ripped my jeans a new one when I thought about this.

Attention Deadspin community! I have an urgent announcement. Apparently the Colin Cowherd Shithead Extraordinnaire show is hitting the road to Big Ten campuses this week. He will be at Michigan taping in 45 minutes. I need your help to come up with the perfect heckle before security forcibly removes me. Use your…

@Always Winning: Could you explain the peninsula joke to me? I've seen it a couple of times and as a relatively new member of the site, I feel left out.

I will high-five your dick for that, Marty.

Let's play jeopardy. I'm reading this in a science lecture right now and I look up because we're being asked a multiple choice question. The answers are:

@Phintastic: One of my favorite games to play used to be "Will Rachel Nichols look attractive today?" My new favorite is "Will Phintatstic have a star today?"

@KareemCheese: Of course not, most lawyers are Jewish.

I get where he's coming from, if I don't personally agree. I have no problems with gays but show me a couple where the height difference is more than 5 inches? Well that sir, is an abomination I don't want to have to explain to my children.