@Mama Penguino: Neither was I. Which is why I show up to all business events and funerals in a full hot pink mesh body suit.

@TommyAce: Jesus Fucking Christ, I'm going to spend the next fifteen minutes sobbing in the corner because of that.

Yes, Tom Brady is last night's winner for he is finally in a place where people who like Tom Brady always thought he should be

Mike Tyson's only regret is not smoking weed with Barbaro. And then not holding that boxing match with him in international waters.

Ray Lewis is described herein as a human "portcullis," which I believe is derived from the French word for "accessory to a double murder."

That's unfair to Goodell. I say that as a person who is absolutely convinced Roethlisberger is a rapist scum bag. He has his hands tied, he really can't suspend or ban a player if you can't prove he did something.

@ohmygodtheykilledkennyrogers: As far as I was aware, that was the joke.

@ArkansasFred: You mean bus ride. The technology required for flight has not made it to Iowa.

He grinned and said, "I’ll send you an acknowledgment." I told him to send me a check. He said, "An acknowledgment."

@KetchupFiend: I was eating a bowl of cereal while reading this. I am done with that bowl of cereal.

@KetchupFiend: I was eating a bowl of cereal while reading this. I am done with that bowl of cereal.

He'll be back imposing his will on the opposition in October.

So you're allowed to celebrate and taunt the crowd after you get your ass kicked now? Used to be that you had to win the fight.

@Phintastic: When reached for comment on the tragedy, Phintastic simply grumbled "Fuck him. And his frisbee, too" before firing a warning shot with his Smith and Wesson .38 revolver.

@AzureTexan: Gore Vidal's LEFT ventricle? Well La Di Da, someone's showy with their wealth.

I haven't seen a bird surrounded by that much red red since the time Jenny McCarthy was on national TV declaring tampons caused her child to be born autistic and that she had switched over to using wild sparrows.

I'll ask it, Brandon Jennings or Lady Gaga?

If you hate me, that's because you motherfuckers are abortion babies:

@Delhomme And Garden Show: For the Bulls? Yes. For the White Sox? No.

@FavreFAIL: Have you tried masturbating and then watching House? Worked for me when I got my widsom teeth out.